THANK YOU, JOYCELYN ELDERS
|| By FITSNEWS || There probably won’t be an official proclamation forthcoming from president Barack Obama, but May is apparently “Masturbation Month.”
No really … we looked it up. Masturbation Month (or in some cases, “National Masturbation Day”) has been celebrated each May for the past twenty years – in honor of former U.S. surgeon general Joycelyn Elders. Remember her? She was fired by former president Bill Clinton in 1994 for suggesting masturbation be included in the sex education curriculum of government-run schools.
You know, as opposed to “fun with cigars.”
An overt excuse to sell sex toys, Masturbation Month has resulted in some interested pubic awareness, though. Errr, public awareness. LOLz.
For example, according to polling from sex toy retailer Adam and Eve, 86 percent of Americans indulge in the habit – with two thirds of women saying they masturbate about three times a week.
Why so often?
“When we are faced with the choice of a man who might not get us off, and a battery operated toy that will 100 percent get us off, we reach for the toy. every. single. time,” the website Total Sorority Move noted.
Whoa …
According to the Adam and Eve data, 66 percent of women also said it’s easier to orgasm from masturbation than from sexual intercourse.
Sounds to us like another call to manhood, guys …
UPDATE: Evidently we erred in saying “National Masturbation Day” has been celebrated for the past twenty years. As one of our male readers noted, “every guy ever has been celebrating every day since he learned how.”
97 comments
Why am I just hearing about this today? I’ve already missed seven opportunities.
The nice thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to dress
up for it. [Truman Capote]
———————————–
To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and the impotent it is a benefactor; they that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion. [Mark Twain – credited]
shifty henry it’s apparent that you enjoy playing with yourself.
Please….. that statement was credited!
don’t you?
LOL – I can’t believe I clicked like on that, but enough with the people who either lie or are miserable!
nocturnal emissions are god’s way of telling us pleasure is inevitable.
haha!
Now cut that out!
(And call me, OK?)
I love you.Your plan to destroy this site is working.I will be deleting all of my posts shortly.The poem was for you.
Being transgender is fun.
^^^ Flip pogo aping Garbage. Or pogo flipping ape garbage. Something like that.
LMAO! Reminds me of Blondie’s “Call Me….”
I am working with the F.B.I and why I delete all of posts and accounts daily.
Zed and I are working together.
Zed?
Only if he can find the rubber coated tweezers AND the magnifying glass.
hey… don’t demean someone for the size of their organ… woman have one tiny little button, but they don’t have trouble with that at all.. and I’ll be the *last* one to criticize them for inching towards the danger zone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R1M4PErKuk
It is apparent when you feel inadequate to satisfy significant other that you attack other people. Interesting how that works.
Like!!!!
A helpless sigh evades
Wet lips.
For clammy fingertips
Fondle at my chest,
And my toes curl
As they brush past my stomach.
My lips part. I gasp.
I tremble at the sounds
Of my own dirty voices
And the three naked women
Hidden behind my eyelids
Whose touch I echo.
To relinquish the pain in my soul, I shall share this with others…..
The gynecologist raised his head after completing his examination. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy and delicate operation.”
“I’m not sure I can afford it,” sighed the young woman on the examination table. “Why don’t you just replace the batteries?”
LMAO! And the man cowered in the corner ashamed of his ….
Can you tell us what LXIX is?
LOL – I found it in the Wiktionary
yep — it’s ’69’ …. the hard way!
I volunteer for Taylor studies.
I think Taylor is the model above.
It might be Will in his panties and high heels…
I’m thinking he’s a little embarrassed about it… what with being married and kids.. and having to hide out to rub one out.
No.
Well, that’s a relief!
I’m sure I could help her get the most out of it… I have years of experience.
…a coach who really *cares*.
Max, do you know how to keep a sex maniac in suspense for 24 hours?
um… by not answering my “no, how?” until tomorrow at this time?
Damn! You’re just too clever — you’re the only person to ever get that one — congratulations!
(sigh)
Y’all. Seriously?!
I was taking the place of creepy Buzz comments.
You’ve done a great job for a few months… Bravo
ENC, of all the trolls on here seems to hate the fact that my first and only “Show us your tits!” to you has never been repeated. They interpret my respectful comments toward you since then as me playing nice guy to try to get in your pants. Reason being, that’s how they would play it. Just a fucking sad group our douchebags. btw, I’m sure by now you know that there is any shit disrespectful of you posted on here by “Zed”, “Buz”, “Buzzman”, or any variation on these, it’s by most likely by fucking pogo-flippy-farley-fc-etc. doin’ that thing that obsessed trolls gotta do.
A browser issue with “The Buzzman” is why I usually don’t use it, because rarely use the only browser that allows it.
… he over-explained.
Q. What do a Rubik cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
You can make money masturbating on chaturbate.I met a nice man on there, stationed at
Fort Jackson(yeah , I know;)
he’d just make you his bitch, and then he’d never call…
He’s just doing his part to show theml that Columbia is “military friendly”.
That fancy southern mincing seems… feminine, y’all.
He’s a GREAT guy. People have the misconception that gays are feminine or effeminate ,and some are, but that’s a date-breaker for me. Before doing anything else , you talk on the phone.You would not want to insult this guy.He’s built like a brick house.
Further proof, men are no longer the bread winners – they aren’t even required for sex. Ha!
Ouch! Going into serious snark territory (sorry, it was there so I had to), vibrators won’t buy you dinner and drinks before the act or pay you afterward.
;-)
Today I will masterbate!
Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!”
Get your goodies at http://www.sextoy101.com
The salesgirl at the Pink Pussycat Boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. “What’re you going to use it for?” she asked.
“None of your business,” answered the customer, thoroughly offended.
“Calm down, buddy,” soothed the salesgirl. “The only reason I’m asking
is that if it’s food, we don’t have to charge you sales tax.”
Like!
Vaj: nature’s real “finger food”.
While playing poker one night, the guests were continuously being annoyed by the host’s ten year old son. The kid kept making non-stop noise, running into and upsetting the table on which they were playing, looking over players’ shoulders and announcing what cards they held, and more.
The guests became more and more irritated until finally one called a time out and asked the father if he might have a few minutes with his son. The father had been getting irritated too but lacked the spine to control the little bastard so he welcomed the offer of help from the guest.
After a few minutes, the guest came back alone and the game resumed. An hour or so later, it began to dawn on the players that it had become quiet and pleasant in the room and the unruly kid hadn’t been heard from in a while. Finally, someone asked the guy what he did with the kid, wondering if he had tied the kid up and gagged him, or maybe killed him.
The guest replied that it was nothing so drastic. “I just taught him how to masturbate.”
This started out like a joke, but now I believe this really happened!
Somewhere, at some time, it probably has, Shifty.
Buy a man a piece of ass and you’ve fucked him for a day.
Teach him how to masturbate and you’ve given him sexual gratification for life.
LMAO!
(Richard Rhodes) ‘Making Love’
——————————————-
The vacuum cleaner was efficient, I’ll say that. And quick. I twisted off the wand, turned on the vacuum took out my penis, wet it with spit, stroked it to erection and slipped it into the suctioning metal opening of the hose. The pipe swallowed me with a boisterous, pulsing slobber; the vacuum motor began to race; my penis felt as if it were being pulled off but smacked against the inside wall of the pipe so intensely that I came before I even had time to steady down.
LOLOL – very similar to women and the bathtub jets. I don’t go into detail, but you get gist ;)
I said hey now.
You mean we get the jizz, don’t you?
This comment is not appropriate for under-aged visitors to this website. Due to such, you are being reported to the webmasters, to SLED, the FBI, and to the FCC.
“reported to the webmasters, to SLED, the FBI, and to the FCC”
Yes, and they’ve already called me to ask what brand and model vacuum cleaner was used….
cue eye rolling
Why always the raging hard-on for Shifty? He helps to keep this site fun, entertaining, and educational.
You might benefit from a little self-release, especially since you don’t seem to be getting any action from ghe ladies.
I doubt that anyone under the age of 25 is a regular reader of these serious matters.
Bible Thumper’s favorite subject. I see him posting under one of his altered egos?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R1M4PErKuk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdL8dizd98M
Our Dark Masters must be spinning crazy trying to figure out what secret messages are included in the comments on this article.
Yes, and the Dark Baiters are equally vexed by our comments, too!
Masturbation month hunh – guess that explains Grand Tango’s disappearance….
well played
You won the comment game
All of his comments basically tooted his own horn and belittled everyone else to further bolster his greatness. That counts as masturbation doesn’t it?
I think it counts as mental masturbation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72nrFIgFNB4
hahahaahaha!
WINNER!!!!
My wife gets off with a vibrator every single day, she is always in a great mood.
Stokin’ to the east,
Strokin’ to the west …
May-sturbation
very clever!
Seriously, for a moment. Adam & Eve started as a mail-order contraceptives business by an old schoolmate of mine as part of his Masters Degree thesis in family planning. He battled with the Reagan administration Justice Department over their enforcement of the Comstock Law that forbade mailing birth control.
http://www.adameve.com/t-company_info.aspx
That was a nice story.A friend of mine created the internet.
you know Al?
Go figure? Sic Willie publishes article about masturbation month but he won’t celebrate National Cat Hairball Awareness Day which came and went on April 24th. There is a pussy connection in there somewhere.
https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/hairball-awareness-day/
Too Funny!!!!
Tomorrow is officially “LEARN ABOUT COMPOSTING DAY”…
Neat site, better than mine — added to favorites.
Related poetic musings read in Hustler’s “Graffilthy” section, years ago.
Here I sit all down and degraded,
She wanted to fuck but I’d just masturbated.
I am the janitor of this stinkin’place,
And I’d like to break your fuckin’ face,
If you’re the jerk who pumps his balls,
And squirts all over these sticky walls.
FREE SIC WILLIE CAMPAIGN: I am surprised we haven’t seen more people supporting this site, at least verbally. I guess after the one article that FITS is being sued, everyone has forgotten?
To my knowledge there is not a fund set up, which I think there should be, to keep freedom of speech – free.
We all have the ability to contribute to the this site by donating in whatever capacity we can: https://www.fitsnews.com/donate/
I am going to post this on other pages unless/until admin request I take it down or I see something that indicates it has been settled. Only one post per page, so as not to spam, but inform readers/contributors.
FREE SIC WILLIE CAMPAIGN, donate here: https://www.fitsnews.com/donate/ …
For those who enjoy the best kind of porn there is, female masturbation videos (especially fingers-only), there are two stars that are beyond compare: Jana Cova and Heather Vandeven. They mostly do solo or girl-on-girl — usually with fingers, toys and scissoring, and sometimes more than one girl. But in recent years, Jana has done some boy-girl stuff, home-movie style, with her main man. Google these babes. Lots of free vids out there. Unfortunately, none at all of Hearher and Jana doing each other.
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