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The Government Rubber Study

When you’re talking about a $4 trillion government printing, spending and borrowing money like it’s going out of style, $224,863 isn’t “a drop in the bucket.”  In fact it isn’t even a molecule in a drop in the bucket. But when you start adding up ridiculously unnecessary quarter million dollar…

When you’re talking about a $4 trillion government printing, spending and borrowing money like it’s going out of style, $224,863 isn’t “a drop in the bucket.”  In fact it isn’t even a molecule in a drop in the bucket.

But when you start adding up ridiculously unnecessary quarter million dollar expenditures, you get ridiculously unnecessary millions of dollars in spending, which eventually leads to ridiculously unnecessary billions of dollars in spending and at that point you know what they say … a billion here, a billion there and sooner or later you’re talking about real money.

Which leads us back to the $224,863 budgeted this year by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) for a study of ninety-five different fitted condoms.

Wait … what?

Yup.  Having already spent hundred of thousands of tax dollars on a study to determine why condom usage is so low (really?), the federal government is now looking to “improve upon traditional self-report mechanisms of penis measurement” as it relates to fitted condoms.

Awesome …

Like so many other, um, “larger” government expenses, finding the best-fitting condom is not a core function of government. Nor is the warring government-funded propaganda over abstinence versus safe sex.

And while this many not be a large amount of tax money to save, at the end of the day every dollar counts …

 

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15 comments

TontoBubbaGoldstein January 17, 2014 at 12:22 pm

Awesome …

TBG also uses that term when he “traditionally self-reports…[TBG’s]…penis measurement.”

Reply
just another guy January 17, 2014 at 1:19 pm

Isn’t Bill Gates offering a billion dollars for anyone who can invent a condom that does not take away from the feeling? That is free market. We don’t need the government to do it.

Reply
Love thy neighbor January 17, 2014 at 1:26 pm

It makes sense for government to develop a technology where it can fuck everyone else, feel it, yet not suffer any consequences for it.

Reply
The Colonel January 17, 2014 at 3:56 pm Reply
CorruptionInColumbia January 17, 2014 at 8:04 pm

They’ll never do it. There is nothing like the feeling of a real vajayjay on the inside.

Reply
jimlewisowb January 17, 2014 at 2:21 pm

Know of several hundred cockroaches in the Legislature that would be suitable candidates to have a rubber pulled down over their peckerheads to determine a proper fit

In fact they could leave the damn things on long enough for all of them to go limp

Reply
Lindsey Gayham January 17, 2014 at 4:27 pm

The cherry one didn’t taste too good and it was chewy too.

Reply
rwwllms January 17, 2014 at 4:38 pm

Obama says: “If it’s a fit you must submit!”

Reply
shifty henry January 17, 2014 at 6:48 pm

AAAWW – SHIT..!! We know what this means — another PSA starring Richard Simmons…….

Reply
From Out There January 17, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Dear Earthling,
Hello! I am a bisexual creature from outer space. I have transformed myself into this comment on Fitsnews. Right now, I am having sex with your eyes. I know you like it because you are smiling. Please pass me on to someone else.

Reply
9" January 17, 2014 at 7:44 pm

First time I tried one like those pictured,I thought I was gonna faint and then it busts open,and he says,’let’s go bareback’.’Now that I seen your peter,I’m in love with you,and want to go monogamous’.So we did.

Reply
CorruptionInColumbia January 17, 2014 at 8:02 pm

Grand Tango?

Reply
9" January 17, 2014 at 9:34 pm

Don’t let him know,I told on him.Plus it’s over(he got worn out,and those bleeding carpet-burns on his knees,had become disgusting).I found me this new guy($$$)…

Reply
euwe max January 18, 2014 at 12:22 pm

Preventing unwanted pregnancy is common ground – except for Republicans.

Reply
Cush January 20, 2014 at 11:00 am

Build a better condom, and they will come.

Reply

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