Prioleau Alexander Reviews ‘The First Purge’

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With the New Year upon us, I’ve decided to seek out things that unify us: Enough with all the division, sexuality, and race-based crap.

Last night, I had my first opportunity, when I saw a new version of The Purge on Netflix.

The Purge is a series of movies following the usual gory and pointless-violence plot line: The New Founding Fathers Party (NFFP) is running the country, and every year they make crime legal for one night per year — any crime. This is ostensibly to allow citizens with pent-up anger to go out and do their thing … not unlike a Zombie film, if the Zombie’s could operate chainsaws, axes and machine guns.

When the sun sets, the crazies and gangs and the usual violent filth come pouring out, and kill each other in hilariously creative ways. Black, white, brown, yellow — the Purgers don’t care. They’re equal opportunity grim-reapers, and many of the marauders are killing in ethnically diverse gangs.

In each film, the plot revolves around a righteous and wealthy family laying low in their home, and for some very thin reason the Purgers attack their home. Heroism and more hilarity ensue.

The sun comes up, and everyone is wiser, provided they don’t have a pair of lopping sheers in their chest.

The newest offering in the series?

The First Purge. Awesome! A backstory!

The film opens with America looking like America did during the BLM/ANTIFA summer of love. Everyone is grumpy and unemployed, and the government doesn’t have the money to pay everyone to live in Mom’s basement.

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But … huzzah! The NFFP is going to win control of the White House and Congress, and a very concerned reporter points out the NFFP is (shudder) “endorsed by the NRA.” I knew this was gonna be good, so I paused it to pop some popcorn and tap a keg.

The first purge is planned for Staten Island. With much behind-the-scenes backstory, we see the new all-white government agency in charge, plotting and scheming, and being (in the words of Barrack Obama) “typical white people.” We hear both the NFFP and the reporters stating endlessly how the “success” of the purge experiment will rely mostly on what happens in the Whatever Towers … the “center” of the community.

The Whatever Towers are, of course, those high-rise hellholes Democrats built to imprison blacks in Blue cities… you know, centralize them in one spot so failed programs can be shoved down their throats. Everyone in The First Purge is poor and black, because “the wealthy people” left town.

Apparently, poor people can’t walk across a bridge and leave Staten Island, too.

We meet our female lead, a pretty black lady, at a peaceful protest against the Purge. The leading man arrives on the scene in a Rolls … the local drug kingpin. He, of course, is a murderous sociopath, who’s been poisoning Staten Island with drugs for years, with a small army of thugs to murder his enemies.

Not surprisingly, we find they were once an item, but the female lead “found a better way.”

The female lead, or course, doesn’t leave Staten Island, despite the fact her looks could’ve landed her a husband in the Hamptons ten years earlier. Instead, she gathers women and children into a church to ride out the storm.

For some reason, it never occurs to anyone there are a lot of places to hide in the dark for 10-hours in an urban environment… you know, like under a building or in a dark park. No, these poor souls gather in a church, with the lights on, where they will be sitting ducks.

The Purge begins, and to the shock and horror of the NFFP, the people (and I quote) “in this economic status aren’t rioting!”

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In fact, they gather for peaceful street parties, and display their ethnic unity, dancing to rap music. At this point I expected them to cut to the Grinch, and show his revelation that the Whos down in Whoville didn’t care about presents, inspiring him to drive into town and join the party.

There’s much gnashing of teeth at the NFFP headquarters, because the purge isn’t working! They need to depopulate the poor! For the fiftieth time, both they and the media announce their shock that violence hasn’t happened at the Whatever Towers. The media is, of course, happy about this – but the NFFP whites are not.

Suddenly, violence begins to break out! Huzzah! The impoverished blacks are turning on each other, just like the NFFP knew they would! The social scientist in charge of the experiment – Marisa Tomei with a pretty good nose job — is confused. They were so peaceful, and now the violence has begun. What gives?

Because the elites have drones everywhere, those of us in the audience get to see what’s causing the unpleasantness. Some dudes on choppers are riding around, machine-gunning everyone. Then … then… then… against all odds, we catch a glimpse of a rider’s wrist, and he is white!

We now come to learn the NFFP decided to hedge its bets in case there wasn’t enough violence, and has brought in professional mercenaries, who just happen to be white bikers.

White bikers aren’t obvious enough, so we shift our attention to a second group of mercenaries on a bloody rampage, and … wait for it … they’re dressed in KKK uniforms! Because of course they are. Engaging in a firefight that demands you move, shoot, and communicate is always done most effectively wearing a dunce cap with tiny eyehole’s cut out of it.

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Now we’ve got real violence rolling, and a rival to our male lead (the drug kingpin) tries to assassinate him by having two hookers attack him. The working girls don’t have guns (why would an assassin need one of those?), so the attempt fails.

The kingpin takes his posse to round up his rivals, and they kill everyone. However, we get a glimpse of his inner humanity when he spares the hookers. He gets a call from the female lead, who reports they had to flee the church, and have returned home to Whatever Towers.

A radio from the mercenaries falls into the kingpin’s hands, and he overhears the worst possible news. Things are still peaceful at the Whatever Towers, and the mercenaries are being ordered to travel there, and kill everyone.

The kingpin, whose Grinch-heart was ten sizes too small, forgets all the money, drugs, prostitutes, and power — and leads his men back to their headquarters, where they have a room full of new military grade weapons.

One gangster express delight at the new arsenal, and asks where they came from. His cohort says, “the NFFP has been flooding our community with this $hit for years.” True, the NFFP just came to power, but maybe they had a time machine or something.

Armed with their government-supplied weapons of war, they head out to protect the Towers. En route they get into a crash, and while discussing the next step, the monitor drones are suddenly armed with automatic weapons, and kill everyone in his gang.

Now alone and with white mercenaries everywhere, he becomes the hero-to-be.

Because the White trash bikers and KKK dudes weren’t obvious enough, the group arriving at the Whatever Towers roll up in government Humvees, dressed in government-issue military gear, led by a guy in a Nazi uniform, wearing a mask that looks like to was borrowed from the Gimp. They proceed to go floor to floor, and murder everyone, with one fellow carrying a Russian (?) RPG, in case they need to … blow up a tank hidden in the Whatever Towers?

The guys back in the NFFP headquarters are thrilled!

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The kingpin arrives, and makes his way up the Whatever Tower stairs … becoming a super-human Rambo to right the wrongs being done. Through a series of moves and maneuvers that would impress even the Terminator, he kills all the bad guys, and shortly after doing so the alarm goes off sounding the fact the purge is over.

Wounded but determined, the kingpin limps and leads the people he saved down the street, when they stop, looking at something off screen. The transformation of the kingpin — who ruined countless black lives, and murdered who knows how many people — is complete. He is a changed man.

Close up.

“Now,” he says, “we fight.”

The camera pans right to show what they’re looking at: An America flag at half-mast.

That’s what I’m talking about!

Unity!

Sure, some may say that the message is divisive, but I say, “No way!”

Obviously, it unifies us by forcing us to look at an issue we once thought was divisive.

You see, it shows the Leftist’s belief that guns (literally weapons of war) cause needless deaths, and need to be banned. But it also shows the conservative belief that those same guns in the hands of good guys can help them defend themselves against a tyrannical government.

You see? It all depends on how you look at the world … and I choose unity!

In my next installment, I’ll explore the unity inspired by the film Mandingo.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is an international advocate for literacy and learning, and shows his commitment to the cause by reminding everyone that books make great gifts. He is the author of four books: ‘You Want Fries With That?,’ ‘Dispatches Along the Way,’ ‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?‘ and ‘They Don’t Call It The Submission Process For Nothing.’

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