Prioleau Alexander: About Those Evil White Colonizers

From what I can tell, the progressive left views white males as the source of all the problems in the Third World, due to the sins of colonization. Once they had the power to do so, they say, the white patriarchy in Europe fanned out across the world, and simply pillaged the natural resources they wanted.

Is that true? Pretty much.

Why? Because that’s how men have behaved since Ugg climbed down out of the first tree, took shelter under a rock ledge, and formed the first Cave Owners Association. Except Ugg didn’t fine you if you failed to curb your Dino … he beat your skull in with a rock.

As time has marched forward, great empires from all corners of the world have come and gone — and each dealt with those they conquered differently. If you got overwhelmed by the (not-white) Egyptians, they enslaved you. The (not-white) Mongols slaughtered you. The Romans (not sure if they’re still considered white by the left) thought longer term, and after the Roman legions beat the stuffing out of you, they eased into the defeated areas, slowly getting them addicted to paved roads and EZ-Caesar recliners. After a couple generations, the defeated folk were pretty loyal “citizens.”

Then came the (not-white) Moors/Muslims, who preferred a combination of all these styles.

The (very white) Vikings had a pretty unique standard operating procedure — sail into town, murder and rape everyone, steal all their bling-bling, kill all the animals, torch everything made of a flammable material, and go home for a party to beat the band. To use the parlance of our times, this system wasn’t “sustainable” in the long term, so eventually the Vikings faded from relevance, and became either chefs or bikini models.

Spaniards (white?) were fond of the slaughter route as well – and came down on South America harder than the crack rocks Hunter Biden so adores. After they killed anyone who resisted, they hung around and intermarried with the native widows.

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The British, the most horrible of white patriarchs, seized new lands, then built railroads, Western-style cities, banking, sanitation, administration — all the while hiring (non-enslaved) locals to do the work. Would these locals have preferred not to be colonized? I would imagine so … but since human nature made it inevitable, was it not better to be colonized by the Brits than by the (not-white) Mongols, the (not-white) Egyptians or the (are-they-white?) Spanish?

Of course, one of the worst things you could possibly do, the British did: Crush some of the rich cultural traditions embedded in the beliefs of the conquered. For instance, in India, adherents to Brahmanism burned widows alive. Sir Charles Napier announced to a Brahman priest, “Yeah, I know this is your tradition and all, but we have a tradition ourselves: We hang people who burn widows. And since we’ve got all the sticks-that-go-boom, our tradition wins.”

Oh, the humanity! Forcing natives to follow the ways of the white devils!

Progressives have somehow come to believe that all the places the European whites colonized were a utopian paradise. Prior to the arrival of whitie, the natives of India, South America, Africa, and North America frolicked peacefully in valleys of jasmine and honeysuckle, and generally behaved like the early Christians in the book of Acts — everything was shared, and arms were for hugging.

This, of course, is complete and utter horse crap. Prior to colonization, these were places where life was short, painful, and brutish. Inhabitants of these regions warred endlessly against neighboring tribes. They treated their women like cattle. They bought and sold slaves — although everyone knows black and brown people don’t own slaves … they “take captives.”

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In other words, the colonized were no better or worse than white Europeans … they were human, and the struggle for power, resources and hot chicks ruled their world, too. It might have seemed crunchier because they literally lived in the stone age, but dead is dead, whether you’re killed by a musket, or shot in the throat with a DIY bow and arrow.

In the end, it just so happened the Europeans were the first to advance technologically, and of course utilized that technology for their own selfish desires. Had the American Indians come up with ships of the line, trans-Atlantic navigation and firearms first – odds are the recent coronation of the British King would have been for a dude named Dances With Horseface, not Charles.

Most people know about Spain’s conquest of South America, and the extinction of several well-known civilizations, who were no doubt simply doing their best to commune with nature, bathe themselves with essential oils and love their fellow man.

One of those “civilizations” was the Mayan people, a lovely and family oriented — wait, what? Ah, wrong tribe. In reality, the Mayans were a deeply sadistic, demon-worshipping people, who made human sacrifices of not just virgins – but children, too. In fact, when a child developed a painful medical malady, these focus-on-the-family folks would make no attempt to cure it … they need the child’s tears for some of their angry-god rituals.

Among their preferred cultural methods for appeasing the gods was decapitation, death by arrows, bloodletting, and the old “cut out a beating heart” prank. So please join me in a moment of silence to mourn the loss of this “rich cultural tradition,” now lost to time as a result of interference from whitie.

Something happened with Spain’s sacking of South America, however, that worked out really well for their long-term reputation: The brownish Spaniards intermarried with the brownish natives, so brownish became the continental color. In other words, the evil colonizers disappeared from view.

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In North America, there was very little intermarriage between the races, so the evil colonizers can still be spotted from two city blocks away. I wonder what progressives would whine about if whites, blacks, Asians, and American Indians had intermarried, and everyone looked like Charles Bronson or that cute chick on Yellowstone? Who could they blame for all the world’s woes then?

I have a friend who grew up in Montana inside the borders of a reservation. As a result, he has many close friends who are Indians, and made to me the helpful point, “You know why I call them Indians? Because they call themselves Indians.”

Anyway, few white people would know American Indians better than my buddy, and he’s had a thousand discussions with Indians throughout his life—and knows them as human beings, not caricatures white liberals want to paint them as. As a result, I’m able to ask him questions I’d be too intimidated to ask directly… and believe me, I’ve asked about a lot of the issues that bring out guilt in Every American. Paraphrased, here’s one answer he gave me:

“My friend Mike Proudfoot is an attorney on the ‘Rez.’ A real human being with thoughts and everything. He lives in a nice house, and drives a loaded F-250 4×4. Is there a human being stupid enough to ask if he’d prefer living a nomadic life on horseback, hunting and digging for roots he can eat? Watching his kids delivered in a teepee? Look—he’s got tribal garb he wears to a couple ceremonies a year, but the man has HVAC. The internet. Cable TV. Kids that he knows aren’t going to freeze to death, or get eaten by a Griz. A home with a roof that doesn’t have to be relocated because all the grocery stores in town have wandered north to Canada. Get real.”

Was America’s treatment of the American Indians barbaric and sub-human?  Yes. Would the American Indians still be living in the Stone Age is no outsider had ever landed on our shores? Yes.  Would living in the Stone Age be preferable to their current life? Of course not.

What’s done is done — and no amount of virtue signaling or ass kissing is going to undo the sins of our forefathers.

Can my guilt un-slaughter Mike Proudfoot’s ancestors? No? Then what can I do?

Maybe treating him like a peer not a pet would be a good start.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Prioleau Alexander is a freelance writer, focusing mostly on politics and non-fiction humor. He is the author of two books: ‘You Want Fries With That?’ and ‘Dispatches Along the Way.’ Both are available on Amazon. He hopes to have another title published soon, but that would require his agent actually doing his job, so it may be awhile. Oh, and if you want to see his preferred bio pic? Click here …

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