by AMY FEINSTEIN || “Pulp Friction’ is the name of tonight’s episode of Bravo TV‘s Southern Charm, and by friction I mean irritation, which is the word of the day. Throughout the entire episode, almost everyone is irritated with someone.
The first sign of irritation is felt by Naomie Olindo when she finds out Craig Conover had a crush on Peyton (tall, blonde, low affect). Naomie is irked because Craig made her feel bad that she is thinking of moving on after their relationship, and all this time, he had his eye on Peyton.
The next incident of friction is between Austen Kroll and his parents, who have concerns about Austen’s life of leisure since leaving his last job, and his break-up with Chelsea Meissner. They liked Chelsea, and they liked Austen having a job. Austen has ideas that he’s considering, but he hasn’t done anything about it. Mom and dad want Austen to get his Protestant work ethic in gear and move on.
Next is perhaps a glimpse into the last time that Whitney Sudler-Smith, Patricia Altschul, and Thomas Ravenel got together socially before all hell broke loose and Ravenel and his plus one became personae non gratae at Casa Altschul and on social media.
But even though the threesome gets along at a French boîte, Ravenel’s attempt at conversational French (Patricia calls it ‘Pepe Le Pew French’) is like nails on a chalkboard. Darlin’ stick to English!
But Thomas does find a way to irritate Madame Altschul in English after he tells her men aren’t marrying because: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
(Cue the old man cackling at his own joke).
But there is also friction in Thomas’ life, and no, her name isn’t Kathryn Dennis, but Ashley Jacobs. On last week’s Southern Charm, Ravenel foreshadowed a storyline that Ashley was suffocating him. On this episode, we get more tangible proof that Thomas and Ashley are not exactly beschert. Considering the soulmate line that the two were trying to sell to their friends, when Patricia asks Ravenel how it’s going, the best endorsement he can give is “she’s sweet, she’s nice.” It sounds like Thomas is describing his child’s preschool teacher, and not the “Cali” girl he hooked up with six weeks prior, and fell so deeply in love that he had to move her to Charleston to try and drive Kathryn crazy … err, I mean, live happily ever after.
“I see a side to her I don’t necessarily like,” Thomas confides in Whitney and Patricia. “Sometimes she’s not that sweet, friendly girl.”
If you have a bunny Ravenel, it’s time to hide it.
Then in a confessional, Ravenel says that Ashley lacks subtlety, and obviously she is not the southern belle that he’s used to. She’s too direct, desperate, thirsty, northern. Ravenel has used the words northern and yankee before as if those who live above the Mason-Dixon Line wipe and eat with the same hand.
Thomas Ravenel’s unspoken inner dialogue seems to be, “gosh, when is Ashley’s contract up so I can get my house back and finally breathe?”
Patricia offers to take her on as a finishing school candidate, and Thomas says he’ll lend her his credit card. No wonder Ashley thinks she’s living a real life version of the movie Pretty Woman, with herself in the Julia Roberts role. I guess she missed the part where it’s shared that Julia Roberts play a hooker.
This episode of Southern Charm is Ashley-free, except in flashback, and with her paranoia about Thomas going out without her, she can’t be pleased when she finds out he went to a Halloween party and looked Kathryn up and down several times.
Even after the hell Ravenel has put Kathryn through, it’s still obvious she lights his fire far more than northern Ashley does. Or ever will.
And while we are talking Halloween, that’s where the real “Pulp Friction” goes down. Naomie shows up scrapping for a fight with someone, and then out of the blue, her least favorite person, J.D. Madison shows up, loud, proud, and dressed like another northerner, Donald Trump. J.D. guesses that a woman at the party is dressed in a 9 1/2 Weeks costume. Dude, it’s not 1986.
Kathryn is dressed in a fitted “Poison Ivy” costume, and Thomas lights up when he sees her, kisses her, and offers her his jacket. I’m still not clear who he was supposed to be, but maybe professional wrestler Hulk Hogan?
But Naomie is saving her ire for poor old Peyton who never saw it coming. Naomie pulls out her verbal switchblade and shoots daggers out of her eyes, making Peyton cry. Who knew last season that Naomie was such an edgy bitch?
I’ve gotta say, I don’t hate it.
The last glimpse of Southern Charm this week is a peek at next week’s show when Ashley returns, but Thomas is still flirting with Kathryn, this time with Ashley standing right there. Thomas shows Kathryn his “family crest” which is either a penis euphemism or something on his belt buckle, but while he does, he looks her up and down – and then up and down again.
Elevator eyes, anyone?
Northern Ashley really does not seem pleased in the teaser for next week.
Amy Feinstein is a native of Baltimore, Maryland, and has been writing professionally for 25 years. She has a degree in English literature and a degree in British history. Amy enjoys writing about entertainment, sports, lifestyle, television and movies. When not at the computer, Amy can be found in the garden or at yoga class.