THANK GOD FOR SCOTT WALKER’S WALL …
Obviously there’s no difference between “Republicans” and Democrats in America. But is there a difference between “liberals” and “conservatives” in Canada?
Who knows, but the slogan of Canada’s new liberal government – which just won a majority of seats in the country’s parliament – should sound awfully familiar to Americans.
Ready?
Yeah …
Thank God future U.S. president Scott Walker will be building a wall on the U.S.-Canadian border to protect us from all this additional “hope and change,” right?
Oh … wait.
To his credit, new Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau said he will be pulling his country out of Syria and Iraq, saying “we know from years of mistakes, generations of mistakes, that western or foreign troops on the ground cannot fix the conflict.”
That’s true …
Of course he’s also planning to boost deficit spending in an effort to “stimulate” the Canadian economy … which should also sound eerily familiar to Americans promised “hope and change” back in 2008 by their president, Barack Obama.
68 comments
Harper, you’re fired. Don’t worry, I’ll join you soon, once I hand Hillary the 2016 election.
THE JERUSALEM ENQUIRER – June 30, 2028
—————————————————————
US – Canada Peace Talks
US President George Barnett and Israeli Prime Minister Shoshana Vohu met here today regarding on-again off-again peace negotiations and though, as expected, no breakthroughs
were announced, the two leaders pledged their commitment to the long-standing “special relationship” between the US and Canada.
Talks focused on the role of an objective mediator, pressure for concessions, the need for secure borders, and the possibility of reassessment.
But the Jerusalem government asserted that it will continue to supply the US with the sophisticated weapons Washington
needs even if the US and Canada are unable to resolve their bitter territorial dispute. Israel has also been aiding Canada.
Yesterday marked the ninth anniversary of America’s attack on her northern neighbor (Washington still insists on the term “defensive maneuver”). Israel has sought to act as an
honest broker in the dispute, offering arms to the US if it will agree to return Toronto to the Canadians and lawyers to Canada
if it will agree to withdraw its army from Detroit. Israel’s
expanding law schools, already turning out enough lawyers to maintain 700 battle-ready regiments of military attorneys, anticipate no difficulty in fulfilling Canada’s need for barristers.
“We do not expect peace overnight,” an Israeli spokesman said, “but we are talking to both sides and will remain even-handed.”
The Canadian Prime Minister is expected to follow President Barnett to Jerusalem in hopes of reviving the stalled peace conference, and (continued on page 75)
Their beer sucks.
But that dude’s like a cage fighter n’ stuff. He’ll beat you up.
Don’t be messing with the French Canadians. They’re like angry beavers.
You Might Be Canadian If
———————————
Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You dismiss all beers under 6% as “for children and the elderly.”
You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
You know which leaves make for good toilet paper.
They love 10 by 30 trailers in Florida,bathing in the dump stations and free food.
See that’s a lie right there. French Canadians don’t bathe.
They are Effing Cajuns, only with snow and no gator. Same hygiene, same IQ, and same attitude.
Tabernacle. And you were still fooked.
AAAAAAHH.!! You said “Cajuns” — I’m looking for a joke – stay tuned…….
Acadians/Cajuns are a joke, on humanity.
A man that knows his history – yes, Virginia (well, Taz) the Acadians and the Cajuns are the same thing, both descended from French religious migrants that came to the new world, and then got “relocated” when the Brits took over the Canadien Maritimes. Some when inland- See ‘ Quebec, etc’, and some went South – See French Huguenots, and some went further south and hooked a Ricky around Florida and ended up in worse swamps the SC had to offer – ergo, said Cajuns
Acadia, for the uninformed, was the French name for Newfoundland/Nova Scotia (The Maritmes). The French residents there were escorted out by the Brits after the English victory over France in the region and then ended up in several different other locales, primarily in the French held New Orleans district. The more willing(desirable?) were allowed to come to SC, which was ruled/run by the Lord Propriaters, who needed some migrant workers/ settlers to make a go of the for-profit exercise that was early SC
Weren’t the Louisiana ones via Haiti? Or at least a majority?
Lousy- Anna french folks came from many different french holdings – the group known as the Cajuns came primarily from Acadia – known as the Acadiens, this term was mongrelized over time into the word “Cajun”. Justin Wilson, humorist extraordinaire and all around great human, explains this well in a monologue that you could probably find on You Tube somewhere (isn’t everything recorded somewhere on You Tube?)
However, one correction. The British didn’t remove the French from Quebec. And they French were at Quebec City and Three Rivers long before the English won control over the Maritimes. And yet, while a SC high school senior, after graduation, will travel to Myrtle Beach to become a man, in Canada you spend a month of your summer before college traveling the maritimes.
One day Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux and asked him why he was so bruised up.
Thibodeaux replied that he had been riding a bull, and his foot got stuck when he fell
off. The bull kept dragging him until the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it.
AKA snow-cajuns
There is a big difference between a normal Canadian and a French Canadian. Yes, this is Obama getting elected in every way.
Now now. Let’s not make fun of the Quebeciose. Montreal has given us many great things, most involving big breasted women.
My second wife was French, Irish, and Samoan. Thankfully, she only had the skin tone of a Samoan, she was the classic lithe french body type. Thin, legs to her armpits, nice round butt and flat chested. Had the Irish drinking and temper.
My mother is part Irish and mostly French. You’re fooked.
OK, can you tell us what your mom said to your dad when you came home after your 10th birthday treat and you were reeking of expensive perfumes and your cheeks covered with red lipsticks that cost more than an Earl Scheib paint job?
She was there. Was my parents, the people across the street (they were the members at the Club), and all the kids – yippie. It wasn’t a strip club. It was a restaurant / resort.
Sooo, that’s how you became a “maniac”, did ya’..??
I hit into a group of French Canadians on a golf course in Okeechobee,Fl a few years back.I yelled FORE. Next thing I know angry French Canadian came charging at me with his golf club in hand-until he saw I was 6’5″ 250 and ready to beat his socialist ass.
Congrats on the new socialist leader of Canada.I read he loves China and hates America.
He wasn’t mad. You just didn’t understand his French. He wanted to congratulate you on a nice drive.
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind
me, so you must be on the 13th.” Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at
the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to
show my appreciation for your help.” He started a conversation and asked
her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in
sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” he said.
She said, “I sell tampons.”
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”
It’s a common problem for French Canadians – which hole.
+100!
I have a few more new ones on golf that I got over the weekend that I think are hilarious.. If anyone wants them, I’ll post them here. I don’t play golf anymore since my partners limited me to ten strokes per hole!
Just how many beer girls work at your course? And ten strokes is only enough to make them claw at the air while you are putting your putter up.
Top 10 things that sound dirty in
golf but aren’t:
—————–
10. Nuts . . . my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome.
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up . . . I need to wash my balls first!
After a particularly poor game of golf, a
popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked,
“Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?”
“Yes,” the golfer responded.
“Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?”
“Yes, I did. How did you know?” he asked.
“Well,” said the policeman very seriously, “Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver’s windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck
couldn’t make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you
going to do about it?”
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded…
“I think I’ll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my
right thumb.”
Dang it! I will never be able all these great golf jokes. I was the world’s worst bartender in that dept.
“remember” ? — I enjoy sharing jokes, but what I do is copy/paste and edit them as needed. These latest golf jokes ( +others) came from a site I found last weekend — the name is FUNBULL. What I do is save them in files.
I also save both funny and serious comments from you guys & gals. At some point I’m going to make joke books for my family members, edited to suit them individually, and for some friends of mine.
Bartender, eh? — bartenders are too busy to remember long jokes, but short ones can be a blast! I think these few samples came from sites called A JOKE WALKS INTO A BAR and A MAN WALKS INTO A JOKE —-
What a bartender! When I asked him for something tall, cold and full of gin, he sent his wife over.
——–
Bartenders are asking for more overtime pay – time and a fifth!
————–
A five-dollar bill walks into a club. The bartender says, “You’ll have to leave. This is a singles’ bar.”
—–
A skeleton goes into a bar and says, “Give me a beer – and a mop.”
—–
A seal walks into a tavern and the bartender says, “What’ll you have?”
“Anything but a Canadian Club.”
—–
A doctor is speaking to a patient after an examination, ‘There are two reasons
for your poor health, it’s entirely due to drinking and smoking.’ ‘That’s a
relief,’ replies the patient. ‘I thought you were going to say it was my fault
—–
A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car. ‘They’ve
stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out… ‘Oh hang on. I’m in the back seat.’
—–
A woman playing golf was stung by a bee. Afraid she’d have an allergic reaction, she ran back to the clubhouse to find the pro.
Finding him, she says breathlessly, “I’ve been stung by a bee! What shall I do?”
“Where were you stung?” the pro asks.
“Between the first and second hole!”
“Lady, we gotta’ work on your stance.”
OK Flip – real story. So two years ago I was dispatched at the request of my mother to attend her cousin’s funeral. She couldn’t go anymore because of age. I have to go, I’m the only one who speaks the language and I’m her son and Marie’s grandson. Fine! So we’re at the funeral site on Mt. Royal, overlooking the vast cemetery of Montreal. Fall day, clear skies – you look down off the mountain and see downtown Montreal and the Olympic Village in the distance. My french-speaking relatives come up and point it out and with tears in their eyes, remark how that village is a symbol of Quebec’s greatness. The English speakers (the gin drinkers) come up to me later, point out in the distance, and say with smile, dumbest waste of money ever!!
I think it was boxing, he boxed another pol or something, it’s like Special Olympics boxing without the skill.
Oh Canada – Oh Canada – je t’aime. Yuuggee news. My Canadian relatives are celebrating. Hurray for French speakers. Hurray for Pierre’s son. Hurray for Quebec. Take that you English-spitting rump hole Ontario-ians. Screw you – Alberta and Scratch-catch-you-on. And thank you our brothers in Halifax and St. Johns, and you cute little fat natives in Hudson Bay. Maple syrup on all the women’s breasteses. Because in Quebec, we grow ’em full, we grow ’em big, and we love to show ’em. Viva Canada. And pea soup for everybody.
1] – Maple syrup on all the women’s breasteses (you got my attention here!)
2] – we grow ’em full, we grow ’em big, and we love to show ’em. (I’m still with ya’, brother!)
3] – And pea soup for everybody (yes – I love pea soup!)
And beaver tail – man of man. The idea of deep fried bread with sugar on it. And snow with maple syrup. You can even form the snow into a giant boob.
“You can even form the snow into a giant boob” — Encounters of the Third Kind?
Haven’t I previously posted an excerpt from my paper,
”
Boobies do not make the world go round?
——————————————————–
Contrary to popular belief, scientific research shows strong evidence that boobies DO make the world go round.
This research was performed in response to several angry responses to an earlier discussion stating, “Why
boobies won’t save the world.”
My prized possession – a photo of me at 10 years old sitting on Playboy bunny laps at Vernon Valley NJ Playboy Club for my birthday. Man, I was lucky as a kid.
I’m envious ….. but if you have a son, what did you do for him on his 10th birthday?
That was first wife. Hands were tied. Making it up to him now that he’s 24.
?
The Maritime Provinces of Labrador, Halifax and St. John’s (ESPECIALLY St. John’s……) are alright by me. !!!!!!!
I’ve spent more than one night in St. John’s rotating to and fro during the Bosnia fracas and Gulf II and that is one damn fine place to “RON”……………
God Bless the Maritime Provinces!!!
They know how to drink and make killer “stick to your ribs breakfast”!!!!!
And the women are sooooo friendly!!!!!!!!
“LET CANADA BE CANADA” is what I say!!!!!!!!!
With the bullshit going on in this country and global warming, I just might consider being an “expat”………………………..this country’s going to shit anyway……..
Fuck, Uncle Sugar will still be sending me a check!!!!!!!
Blame Canada
No, blame Sophie Trudeau’s breasteses.
South Park Movie reference.
Time’s have changed
Our kids are getting worse
They won’t obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse
Should we blame the government?
Or blame society?
Or should we blame the images on TV?
No, blame Canada, blame Canada
With all their beady little eyes
And flappin’ heads so full of lies
ummmm deficit spending does help the economy in a recession. any moron knows that, as long as its done by their favorite party.
We should do deficit spending in larger amounts to help the economy more. Why limit ourselves?
Worked for Reagan.
Maybe his parliament won’t be as big of a pain as the do nothing Republicans in the Hose of Representatives.
Wonder what Trudeau thinks of Keystone.
FOLLOW JUSTIN TRUDEAU
At least he supports freer trade.
FOLLOW THE LIBERAL PARTY
Statement by Liberal Party of Canada Leader Justin Trudeau on the Trans-Pacific Partnership
October 5, 2015
WATERLOO, ON – The Leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, Justin Trudeau, today issued the following statement on the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), established in principle:
“The Liberal Party of Canada strongly supports free trade, as this is how we open markets to Canadian goods and services, grow Canadian businesses, create good-paying jobs, and provide choice and lower prices to Canadian consumers.
From the looks of where he came from it would appear he is of good stock
http://24-timepass.com/blogs/top-10-celebrity-caught-without-panties-paparazzi.htm
that ain’t nuttin, she admitted to banging Ted Kennedy and banged the Stones after a concert
That was Pierre’s wife. My cousin’s Mom was connected in the Liberal party. She knew Pierre and Brezinsky. Mica’s Aunt was at her funeral. Mica has a nice Montreal rack by the way.
Rocky, from your comments I believe that Mrs. Rocky is nicknamed “Twin Peaks” ..!!
Alas, not so. But while looking at mountains is fun, I was always told, go with the girls that have less, they work harder.
Busts and bosoms have I known
Of various shapes and sizes,
From grievous disappointments
To jubilant surprises.
Why drinking booze introduces you
to interesting folks— after watching that “free women” video, this guy gave
me his thoughts on it:
————————————-
“It’s all the way you look at them. If you give some thought to it, you won’t
decide women are so beautiful. Men are always talking about how beautiful a woman’s breasts are. Go look at one.
Suppose women were built different than they are today. Suppose all the women in the world had only one breast apiece and it was right in the middle and had tits on
it like a cow.
What would the men say: Beautiful! They’d go around grabbing at that unsightly thing and talking about how lovely and round it was, and how pink, and so on.
All right. Suppose that’s the way
it was, and along comes a woman with two breasts like they got how. Good God!
That woman would be a circus freak and men wouldn’t be able to look at
her without getting sick at the stomach.
So I got it figured out that a woman’s breasts are unbeautiful, not to
mention downright ugly.”
yeah, i watch her on morning joe, it is fun watching when joe decides push her buttons, she gets sooooo pissed
Yeah, but entertaining.
“Of course he’s also planning to boost deficit spending in an effort to “stimulate” the Canadian economy …”
…which has been the tried and true and proven way for nations to recover from recessions/depressions since The Great Depression…in this country, under Democrats AND Republicans for close to 90 years…until that half-black man got elected president and the Republicans thought that was a convenient time to try to destroy the country so they could remake it the way the Kochs wanted them to…to the benefit of the Kochs.
What do Canada, Norway, Denmark, and Sweden have in common?
They all rank ahead of the US on Forbes list of best countries for Business.