SOUTH CAROLINA IS ABOUT TO GET HAMMERED!
|| By TAYLOR BROWN || Since this website’s fearless leader has pretty much checked out this week (and next week, if he is to be believed), it’s time to have a little fun on this website.
Instead of reading FITS’ predictable, stream-of-consciousness ranting against America and everything that makes her great – let’s make a drinking game that makes fun of FITS’ predictable, stream-of-consciousness ranting against America and everything that makes her great!
Not only will it pass the time until the legend in his own mind returns from the Palmetto coast, but it will make his writings a bit more tolerable when he gets back.
So here it is … the official FITS News drinking game:
TAKE A SIP EVERYTIME ...
· Will Folks refers to himself as the “Founding Editor” or refers to himself in the plural third person.
· My boobs are mentioned in the comment section (H/T @Zarnacle)
· The word “Republican” is enclosed in quotation marks
TAKE A SHOT EVERYTIME …
· An article about gas prices is posted without an attractive female pumping gas picture (H/T @grcjr)
· “Core function(s) of the government” are mentioned.
· The words “damn…” or “Hmmmm…” are used alone in between paragraphs
· “LOLz”
· The reporting of The (Charleston, S.C.) Post and Courier or The (Columbia, S.C.) State is slammed.
· There’s a column on Boeing or corruption. Or corruption at Boeing.
FINISH YOUR DRINK EVERYTIME …
· Will makes a bawdy reference to his alleged affair with Governor Nikki Haley.
· Will writes an article about Bravo TV’s Southern Charm or his on-again, off-again man-crush Thomas Ravenel.
· Will’s “infamous” foot fetish is mentioned
· Will writes about Mark Sanford (double the amount of alcohol consumed if he also calls him the “Luv Gov”)
DISCLAIMER: We do not suggest that you partake in this drinking game. In fact, we hope to God you don’t. Moreover, we assume no liability for you (or your liver) if you do decide to try this game. That being said, we just referred to ourselves in the third person, so CHUG, B*TCH!
The game is on!
Finally, if you’ve got a suggestion for the FITSNews drinking game, tweet it at me (@TaylahHKane) and FITS (@FITSNews) with the hashtag #FITSDrunk.
Taylor Brown is a 20-something Wofford College graduate who somehow got sucked into politics at an early age. She is easily won over with Rush’s fast food (obviously), wine, and spirited political arguments.
115 comments
“government run schools”
The teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny’s turn, he stood up and said “My mom’s a
whore.”
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?”
Johnny said, “Yes.”
“Well, what did the principal say?”
“He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of candy and asked for our phone number …”
Getting really drunk now.
Good suggestion!!!————You beat me to it!!!!
My contribution: “Chrony Capitalism” (worth a “shot”)
“Dirt-poor South Carolinians”.
Taylor — you’re a fun gal… keep it up..!!
See below Shifty – you tell a funny joke, participants have to take a double shot.
— will do that for the “cause”: I’ll post them here.
Chug a beer every time we get to see Taylor in a bathing suit.
Chug a beer every time Boz slaps Flip and Tango down.
Chug a beer every time Rocky slaps Flip and Tango down.
Double-shot every time Shifty hits us with a good joke.
Take only as sip whenever GT says LMAO, dumb@$$, and Libertard.
NOTE: Players of this game shall not drive.
A doctor is speaking to a patient after an examination, ‘There are two reasons for your poor health, it’s entirely due to drinking and smoking.’ ‘That’s a relief,’ replies the patient. ‘I thought you were going to say it was my fault.’
Too early in the day man! *drinks*
Nope — Taylor probably is eager to start..!!
A five-dollar bill walks into a club. The bartender says, “You’ll have to leave. This is a singles’ bar.”
Words are slurring now.
Thash th’ funnnunniessshh jokeiyevah hurddd.. (thud!) (piano roll flapping in background – waitress giggling in background)
What a bartender! When I asked him for something tall, cold and full of gin, he sent his wife over.
And he told me that conversation was confidential!
Another Double shot.
Chug a beer every time Flip slaps anyone down.
Guaranteed sobriety right there.
Taylor – can they be naval shots?
can they be naval shots?
Damn the torpedos! Full speed ahead!
She has boobs? Never seen them.
A concerned young lady complains to her gynecologist, “Whenever I take off my clothes my nipples get real hard, and so sensitive they’re almost painful.”
“That’s a little unusual,” he said. “Get undressed and I’ll check you out.”
The doctor began to examine her breasts and nipples. After a considerable time touching and observing, the doctor still looked puzzled. “Well, I don’t know what you have,” he finally said, “but
it’s contagious!”
Now I’m hammered.
As a Wofford graduate, I wonder why Taylor can’t get a better job than this one. Taylor, what else do you do with your time?
“When a body meets a body…. Somebody’s been in the Rye…”
I’m glad to hear that you can be won over by whine.
Caaaaaaaannnnn you show me your boobs pleaaaaaaaaase?(whining)
Bartenders are asking for more overtime pay – time and a fifth!
Double shot.
You tryin’ to kill us?
Two drunks found themselves on a roller coaster. One says, “We’re making great time, but I’m not sure we’re on the right bus!”
Brava!
A seal walks into a tavern
and the bartender says, “What’ll you have?”
“Anything but a Canadian Club.”
You gotta be kidding me, drinking is what led me to reading his shit.
that’s terrific!
A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car. ‘They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out… ‘Oh hang on. I’m in the back seat!’
Our Founding Editor met with former “Republican” governor Mark Sanford aka The Luv Gov today at Thomas Ravnel’s estate in Charleston in reference to core functions of government. The Charleston Post and Courier and the Columbia based newspaper “The State” both members of the legacy media in South Carolina blew (Much like Nikki Haley blew our founding editor…LOLz) the opportunity to cover South Carolina’s brain trust of fiscal conservatives in action.
Thomas Ravenel’s on again off again girlfriend Kathryn Dennis served as hostess with the mostest and indulged one of our favorite fetishes by wearing these sweet sex high heels from Jessica Simpson’s line of shoes. http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/carmita-platform-heels?site_refer=CSE_GGLPRADS001_LT&CAWELAID=120178030000386871&CAGPSPN=pla&catargetid=120178030000917338&cadevice=c&gclid=CjwKEAjwwN-rBRD-oMzT6aO_wGwSJABwEIkJwDAxMQV8fKkRFWMUJTYqgmzTNizsKCGfgasksPAbtxoC2s3w_wcB
Damn…..
Topics of discussion at the meeting of the minds included crony capitalist airplane manufacturer Boeing, reported corruption, and drug use at the manufacturer’s North Charleston facility.
I just wanted to point out that Taylor’s boobs are much nicer than Kathryn Dennis’ boobs. That’s all carry on.
i’m toast
Ass, too; don’t forget the degrading, objectifying reference to Taylor’s ass. Dennis is already aging poorly (that’s a tough lifestyle).
Jesus.. I think that’s a solid handle-worth of drinking right there…
Decisions, decisions. White wine or Bourbon. LOL!
Decisions, decisions. White wine or Bourbon.
PRO TIP:
Wine and beer…never fear.
Liquor and wine….also fine.
PRESTONE and gin…think again.
Drunk after the first paragraph…………………
Comatose by the end………………
A skeleton goes into a bar
and says, “Give me a beer – and a mop.”
https://www.congress.gov/114/bills/hr1314/BILLS-114hr1314eas.pdf
Compliments of Mark Sanford
http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/06/10/revealed-the-secret-immigration-chapter-in-obamas-trade-agreement/
Secret Immigration Chapter in Obamatrade
Buzz kill
I just (():7 vs nn oh, …
LOL! I was beginning to think everyone took this serious – after two hours the comments really slowed down.
I think everyone has passed out from alcohol… They’ll rally about 9 or so!
LOL!
Hey, folks — I wasn’t through!
Are you gonna post the pic from Twitter where you were apparently actually giving this game a trial run? The one with the stacked up cups and you looking crunker than crunk? With the single word tweeted:
“Y’all”
Hahahaha, I didn’t even drink any of those, I stuck with beer. But I take full credit for stacking them into the pyramid. (https://twitter.com/TaylahhKane/status/607400878232993792)
I get “Sorry, that page doesn’t exist!”
I think I fixed it… if not, let’s try again https://twitter.com/TaylahhKane/status/607400878232993792
That works.
And since you’ve more or less given me permission, I’m gonna say this right here now, even though they do not figure prominently in that shot:
Taylor’s boobs.
Is this better? https://twitter.com/TaylahhKane/status/604005733009616896/photo/1
God bless America!
TBG nominates Taylor Brown for a coup d’etat of FITSNEWS while OFE is at his dacha!!!!!
Viva la Revolution!!!!
She’s slightly annoying, but waaaaaaay cuter than Che Guevara.
“OFE is at his dacha”
Now and then you make me run to Google and I’m always educated as a result.
Just so I have it right, are you mixing an African perjorative with Russian vernacular?
I’m feeling intellectually deficient. Time for a drink.
Sweet Jesus- I’ve been mistaken, there must be a god- obviously it’s Eros.
God Bless America!
There..I said it.
Gravity ain’t touched those puppies yet…
Stalker!
Well crap. I didn’t see my “God Bless America” comment on Taylor’s boobs, so I did a new one. Then I saw the original one, and deleted it. So now, with your (funny) “Stalker!” comment, it looks as though I posted something far worse and truly stalkerish. It’s like those “Girls Gone Wild” commercials, which always seemed nastier somehow with the nipples, etc. censored.
— the WINNER!
Thanks for letting us have some fun Taylor!!!
Can we go out and play after nap time?????
Looks like I’m about two hours late for the party, so I am guessing everyone is trashed. What a great sense of humor on both Taylor and Folks have!
Notice the grip she has on that bottle and the expertise on display with the full lip encirclement.
Nice form.
Yeah, but that looks like Pink Zinfandel she’s gripping, a hangover in the making.
Now how the hell am I supposed to drive home from work?!
A man returns from a trip to Shanghai and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests. The man wakes up after these tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor,” says the voice on the phone. “We have the results back from your tests and… I’m sorry, you have an extremely contagious deadly disease known as G.A.S.H.”
“G.A.S.H?” replies the man. “What in the hell is that?”
“It’s a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, SARS and Herpes,”
explains the doctor.
“My gosh, Doc!” screams the man in a panic, “what are we
going to do?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, pancakes, quesadillas and pita bread,” says the doctor matter-of-factly.
“Will that cure me?”
“Well, no,” says the doctor, “but it’s the only food
that will fit under the door.”
Horr…..i…..bull…. ;-)
Ode to the Missing Surge
Protector [ Dr. Eugene Ziegler ]
——————————————-
If a transient hits a pocket on a socket on a port
And the bus is interrupted at a very last resort
And the access of the memory makes your floppy disc abort
Then the shocked packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash
And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash
Then your situations’ hopeless and your system’s gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as fickle as a grouse
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
— ‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
Let me put on my Grammar Nazi hat and point out that “we” is first person plural, not third.
How can you forget to include taking a shot every time Fits posts a link to his own story in another story.
Yes! The multiple embedded links – LOL
We don’t want people to die, that would kill the entire comment crew within 72 hours.
A mine collapses near a small town. An engineer survives the disaster and goes to the local bar. The bar is empty except for one other customer. ‘Hey bartender,’ says the engineer. ‘I’ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend over
there.’ The bartender replies, ‘I’m sorry, sir, but that guy reads Fitsnews and even posts comments, and we don’t serve
his kind here.’ ‘Well, you’d better because if it weren’t for that guy, I wouldn’t be here,’ says the engineer. ‘You know the mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer. If you don’t
believe me, look at the top of his head. You’ll see it’s flat from holding the roof up.’ The bartender serves the guy his beer then comes back to talk to the engineer, ‘I saw the flat spot on his head but I also noticed some bruising under his chin. What’s that all about?’ The engineer replies, ‘Oh, that’s where
we put the jack.’
<—– too funny!
No human could withstand that level of alcohol intake for very long…
We need some music for this party! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ6zr6kCPj8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNtTEibFvlQ
<—– laughing so hard it hurts! Great one.
good grief Man-d u still suck posing as that ho wantahbee Taylor Brownstains
If we took a swig from the bottle for every blatantly hypocritical comment or post made, by Fits, we wouldn’t be able to put the bottle down.
Taylor’s boobs!
“Indeed.”
Sheesh!
BT is here, party just getting started – ha!
A man goes into a gun shop and buys a rifle to
go bear hunting. Five minutes into the woods, he spots a huge grizzly, takes
aim and fires… and when the smoke clears, bear is gone. As he’s puzzling over
this, he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and there, towering over
him, is the bear.
“Well, you took your best shot and missed, so now I’m going to eat
you!”
The man begs and pleads not to be killed, and the bear thinks about it and
says, “I suppose I COULD let you live… if you give me a blow job.”
So the man does the horrible deed and goes back to the gun shop the following
day, walking out with an AK-47. He goes back to the woods, sees the same bear,
takes He goes back to the woods, sees the same bear, takes aim and empties the
whole clip. The smoke clears, and the bear is gone again. Then there’s a tap on
the shoulder…
“Okay, twice is too much. You missed again, so I’m REALLY going to eat you
now.”
Once again, the man begs and pleads and, after some thought, the bear
relinquishes – except that this time the man has to let the bear take him
roughly up the ass.
Back to the shop and this time he walks out with the biggest thing they’ve got
– an ex-Soviet Army rocket launcher. He returns to the forest, spots the bear,
fires up the scope and fires. There’s a huge explosion and, when the smoke
clears, no bear – just a smoking crater. Grinning with satisfaction, he starts
to lower the weapon…
…and then there’s a tap on the shoulder.
With one hand on his hip, the bear cocks his head and says, “You’re not
really here for the hunting, are you?”
HaHaHaHa!!!! One of your best.
I found this one about a month ago but no appropriate place to post it, so I put it here just to use it hoping someone would enjoy it — thanks! It’s an unusual one….
Man serves in WWII. On the last day in Germany before he returns state side. He enters a little restaurant and eats the Very Best German Apple pie of his life. It’s tremendous.
He returns to America.
Gets a job. Raises a family with his wife. Some years later after he has retired. His wife is dead. HIs children have all moved away. But he never forgot that German Apple pie.
Later in life his doctor tells him the sad news he had less than a month to live. His body is riddled with cancer.
He can’t leave this world without having one more piece of that pie.
He charters a plane to Germany.
Unfortunately the plane crashes.
But he lives. Only to have his legs bitten off by sharks
Somehow he still miraculously crawls to Germany. He has to have that Apple pie.
After an arduous journey. He finds the German restaurant where he ate during the war
To a horrified waitress he explains his whole long story while she listens patiently.
Finally he asks her “fräulein may I have a piece of your delicious apple pie???”
Waitress replies. I’m so sorry. We sold the last piece an hour ago.
The little old man replies. Oh well … That’s fine. I’ll just have a cup of coffee.
Love it! My ex-wife is German, and I can’t wait to share this one!
During the invasion of Sicily one of the boats carrying 33 Marines was heading for the beach. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the sea was tossing them about. Finally, the Commander grabbed Corporal Peters and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the sea. The Commander and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their bravest buddies.
Sometime later, the Commander and his troops landed on the beach, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, “Sir, I see lights ahead.” They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.
What they didn’t know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came. The Commander pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there. The Commander was the first to speak, “Madam, I am the Commander of these courageous Marines. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately in need of warmth and comfort.”
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, “Well, Commander, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?”
The Commander replied, “Well, madam, there are 32 of us, without Peters.” And the Madam said, “You gotta’ be shittin’ me.”
Why does that chick with the bottle look so…
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
======================
In response to recent events, Governess Haley has established
emergency security procedures for the following upcoming
public events which have been designated high-risk. A specially
trained protection force (photo not attached) will patrol to ensure
that no disruption from outside sources, which could cause either
wide-spread panic or disruption of our American way of life, will
occur. If you are asked to submit to a pat-down, please comply quietly.
——————————————–
FREEDOM WEEKEND ALOFT
GULLAH FESTIVAL
FLOPEYE FISH FESTIVAL
HAMPTON COUNTY WATERMELON FESTIVAL
COWPENS MIGHTY MOO FESTIVAL
FELINE FREEDOM ADULT CAT WEEKEND
ENCHANTED CHALICE RENAISSANCE FAIRE
———————————————————–
It appears that Taylor has provided us with some fun today in our little sandbox. Rocky has been cracking me up! Wonder how long Taylor stayed sober today?
Sadly, all day :/
Your boyfriend is a very lucky lad.
Oy vey!
Aunt Pittypat!!
Fetch TBG some firewater, Manischewitz, Miller Light, shot glasses and the funnel!
Body shots for every time Our Founding Editor makes a gay reference/double entendre about our own Palmetto Princess, Charge of the Light (in the loafers) Brigade, “never leave his buddy(‘)s behind” war veteran Senator Miss Lindsey Graham and then spends the next two paragraphs expounding on his own LGBT SJW cred…
“Not that it makes any difference to us as Our Founding Editor support gay marriage and what people do in the privacy…yada yada yada…”
Drinking music
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B11yHCErk9EYTjFzUTdaOXJUYjQ/view?usp=sharing
Watch this space:
https://photos.google.com/album/AF1QipNvLjfgVQJYxeOCRQgEx6OP8nm-crYzIgxnoh5N/photo/AF1QipPYmRjHLUwF4qrI-CBiZncCdcEVNNfb3IaMGX2p
An inspirational story for today—
—————————————-
As entrepreneurs we tend to want to teach our children the lessons that we have learned. Sometimes this is confusing to them. One entrepreneur sat his four year old son down and said:
“It’s time for your lesson.” What’s two plus two?
The little boy said “Two plus two is six.”
“No, son,” his father said, two plus two is not six. “Two plus two is four.”
“I’m sorry, father,” said the little boy. “I thought we were negotiating.”
Bobby Harrell is looking to hire a new accountant for his “insurance” bidness. First guy comes in for an interview, Bobby asks him, “How much is 2 + 2?” Guys answers, “4.” Bobby excuses him. Next, a woman comes in, Bobby asks her, “How much is 2+3?” “5,” she answers. He tells her she can go. Next up is some sleazy-looking pot-head surfer dude, Bobby is a bit confused but asks him, “How much is 1+3?” Guy looks at him and says, “How much do you want it to be?”
Bobby hires him then and there.
Rebuke – you forgot rebuke.
You trying to keep me drunk 24/7 or what?
The very definition of evil.
Want some whiskey in your water? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKaQzQAlNn4
Like any of the regulars here need a reason to drink.