“AT LEAST (REAL) TROLLS ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING …”
|| By FITSNEWS || Remember former Daily Show correspondent John Oliver? He’s the hilarious host of HBO’s This Week Tonight, which famously mocked Clemson University head football coach Dabo Swinney last month.
In addition to being hilarious (comparing Swinney to “an edamame fart“), Oliver’s show was also dead right on the issue of paying college football players.
This week Oliver is taking up another issue – patent trolling.
What’s patent trolling? It’s when companies that don’t actually produce anything (or even intend to produce anything) file frivolous lawsuits against businesses in an effort to extort money out of them – a process which costs the U.S. economy upwards of $30 billion a year.
Patent trolling has been opposed here in South Carolina by State Rep. Kirkman Finlay – who is once again pushing legislation this year aimed at protecting businesses from these unfair practices.
Anyway … Oliver’s take on the issue is (as always), hilarious. And dead on …
“Most of these companies don’t produce anything – they just shake down anyone who does, so calling them trolls is a little misleading,” “At least trolls actually do something – they control bridge access for goats and ask people fun riddles. Patent trolls just threaten to sue the living sh*t out of people – and believe me, those lawsuits add up.”
Oliver’s report highlighted the story of FolNer, LLC – a company which threatened to sue a company which helped disabled people find jobs. What for? Believe it or not, using their own copier.
According to FolNer, it owned the patent for the copying machine’s “scan to email” function – and was prepared to sue the company unless it forked over $1,000 for each employee who used that function on the copier.
“Wow. When you are threatening to sue a company which helps people with disabilities find work for using their own photocopier, you’re not just on the road to hell – you have your own parking spot right next to the f*cking devil,” Oliver said.
Amen …
Here’s his report …
(Click to play)
(Vid: Via)
Good stuff …
Props to Oliver for drawing attention to this important issue. And props to Finlay for continuing his efforts to protect South Carolina businesses from these leeches.
Last year, Finlay’s bill passed the S.C. House of Representatives – and cleared a Senate judiciary panel. Unfortunately, liberal S.C. Senator Gerald Malloy – an attorney who has made bank exploiting the Palmetto State’s unfriendly legal climate – blocked the bill.
Let’s hope Malloy stands down this year …
17 comments
Lawyers, like the ones who file these suits, are a scourge.
Your posting name, Fecal Matters, and attorney refence in post – too funny.
Two guys are in the waiting room at the U.S. Patent Office, and share their stories. One guy holds up an apple. “It’s a special apple – take three bites by turning the apple around.”
The second guy takes a bite, “Hmm, just an apple. Then a second bite, “Wow – it tastes like a pear!” Then the third bite, “This is incredible, it tastes like a peach!”
He hands the first guy a large cookie. “Take a bite of my special cookie and it
tastes like pussy.”
“I don’t believe it – but I’ll try it.” He takes a big bite, only to make a face and
sputter, “Damn, this tastes like shit!”
“Turn it around! Turn it around!”
“Damn, this tastes like shit!”
It’s amazing how many people eat the booty expecting it to taste like groceries.
Requesting an interview with a loan officer, an inventor explained that he was working on a substance which, applied locally, would make a woman’s pussy smell like an orange. The skeptical banker refused the loan.
A year or so later, the banker noticed that the inventor now had an enormous account. Inviting him in, the concerned banker graciously apologized.
“I do hope you don’t bear us any hard feelings for turning down your
loan request.”
“Far from it,” replied the inventor cheerfully. “It got me thinking. Instead, I developed a way to make an orange smell like a pussy….
Interesting, the degree of inner consistency between the two jokes. Common themes: inventors, pussy, fruit
True, but I wanted to post them together because some folks might get one but not the other. Not everyone can be as alert as you, Buz. Bye-the-bye, I looked up the name of the pilot in the movie Fandango. I thought it was Herman, but it was Thurman. I wanted to make a joke for you, but alas!
haha! Great movie, Fandango.
Patent trolls are the scum of the intellectual property world. They stifle innovation and many times have no case, but most large organizations would rather pay them a license fee and get it over with, avoiding litigation and give said trolls exactly what they want. Most of this BS goes on in the Eastern District of Texas. Judges and juries in that district are extremely friendly to patent trolls, a David vs Goliath myth gone all wrong.
Hasn’t FITS stolen the intellectual property of John McCain, Barack Obama and Gary Johnson…and presented it as his own?
I loved my Troll Doll also known as Damn it dolls. If you rubbed their hideous colored hair you could damage your enemies. Good Times when it only took rubbing the synthetic hair of an ugly doll to get even.
I love, love & love John Oliver! Fuck you haters too!
Who’s hating on John Oliver? You’re just looking for someone to disagree with, about ANYTHING.
Eat shit!
Hey Will,
I would have thought you might have mentioned that the Oliver piece included Columbia businessman Austin Meyer who has dropped some $200,000 to defend his copany from the patent trolls.
Great article, great skit …
Yes the Obama/Holder/Clinton(s)/“progressives” have an inside track of the trial lawyer money machine … Having all been there, done that, screwed small businesses and shafted anyone else walking near by.
Interesting that Will’s solution to this problem is…wait for it…more government and more regulation.
What happened to the free market? Shouldn’t any company be “free” to file suit without the government picking winners and losers?
Are you telling me that government is an important player in the market to ensure everyone plays by the rules? Surely you jest.