IT “AIN’T NO THANG BUT A CHICKEN WANG …”
By FITSNEWS || University of South Carolina trustee Chuck Allen wasn’t drunk when he was detained by a S.C. Highway patrolman at 3:00 a.m. on December 18 following a collision – he was having a medical emergency.
At least that’s what the prominent Anderson, S.C. attorney told his hometown paper, The Anderson Independent-Mail.
Specifically, Allen says he suffered from a “hypertensive episode seizure” on the morning of his arrest. Oh … Allen’s story also involves one of our favorite foods of all-time: The chicken wing.
Allen’s arrest – first reported online by FITS – was picked up by the Independent-Mail three days later. Since then, numerous outlets have covered the story … relying heavily on a police report filed in the aftermath of the incident by S.C. Highway patrolman Edward Clark.
According to Clark, he responded to a dispatch report on the collision in Anderson County – at which point he found the USC trustee in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Silverado eating chicken wings.
What flavor? Sadly, the report doesn’t specify …
Anyway, Clark proceeded to ask Allen what happened …
“He replied, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying as his speech was mumbled,” the patrolman wrote in his report.
“I asked Mr. Allen several more times what was going on,” Clark’s report added. “He continued to eat and did not respond to my questions.”
In Allen’s defense, chicken wings are absolutely delicious … so …
Following his arrest, Allen was transported to a local hospital where he refused evaluation. He was then booked at the local detention center and released on his own recognizance.
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58 comments
Could you bring Taylor back. At least she’s unintentionally amusing.
“Unintentionally amusing.”
That’s quality!
— also Mande, please (sighing)
I don’t like her.She’s conceited.
……but she’s purty!
If you’re elderly.
I agree. She needs to bring that ‘come hither’ avatar back too.
You bet! I did save her main foto and use it as my desktop display when she has an article. I do the same for Liz. Just a small distraction to keep my little grey cells jumping around during the day.
Soon as I started to like Taylor, she’s gone.
Chuck is going to get a pass on this. He wasn’t observed driving. Most drunks are slur but talkative, not mumblers. No mention of open container.
He wasn’t observed driving.
Bingo.
If it was a single car wreck with no witnesses and he keeps his mouth shut…it won’t even be heard. In fact…if even he TOLD the officer he was driving, before he was Mirandized, it still won’t go to trial.
Doubtful that TBG has ever eaten chicken wings at 3:00am when alcohol wasn’t involved, though.
Always have a chicken wing with spicy sauce in your mouth when you blow into a breathalyzer – it’s common street wisdom.
Those peppermint Altoids do it, too.
Bad Breath — that’s why the cops didn’t keep him in jail. But I wonder what happened to the rest of his chicken wings? Maybe he didn’t want the cops to eat them so he was scarfing them down.
PRO TIP:
Never blow into a Breathalyzer.
I like to inhale silver nitrate, and then lodge an inter-tracheal vent with activated charcoal filter in my throat before I open the window…
“good evening officer… I am your father…”
Did you mean amyl nitrate?
Drunk as a skunk or as a ——-coot.
Were the keys in the ignition?
Trying to imagine eating chicken wings while having a stroke. I may have been stroking and eating chicken wings once while watching a flick but the hot sauce can cause a problem there.
Damn! You beat me to that comment..!!
If you aren’t careful about the time of comments, someone might think you are responding to the hot sauce – monkey spit comment. After it is a day old, nobody knows unless it is indented.
It can be funny, or odd, because I’ve noticed it too. A few times (only a few) I have edited a comment so that the following one, relating to an earlier comment, appears to be complimenting mine.
I sort comments by newest, which causes the confusion.
Back in the 70’s,hot sauce was popular at sex parties,but after the monkey spits,you’ll need to put your dick on ice for a while.You’re welcome.
Never knew chicken wings were a high blood pressure medication. Perhaps my doctor will change my Lotrel prescription Buffalo Wings. I think he’s holding out on me.
I’mma keep some in the fridge for medical emergencies. Honey mustard sauce, and lots of it.
I can’t wait — I just can’t wait until Monday morning when I can start buying shares in every Hooters in the South. The run on chicken wings will be phenomenal..!!
I don’t eat any chicken at KFC since I discovered that they started their own special breed of chickens about six years ago. They have four legs, but no heads!
Godamn, those wings must have been spicy!
Seriously, why the fuck was he eating wings at three in the morning driving at his age?
Is there a ‘shirt cam’ video of him sitting in his car and eating those wings? That’s one I’d like to see…
Wait a minute now ! – Years ago there was the Twinkie Defense out in California – Why not a Chicken Wing Defense in South Carolina
Based on over 60 years of experience I can tell you the perfect Chicken Wing is still out waiting to be eaten
Personally I have ignored family functions, employment responsibilities, potential of sexual encounter and almost certain death in the pursuit and consumption of the perfect Chicken Wing
If by chance if Mr. Allen found the perfect Chicken Wing at 3 AM on the day he was arrested, he should not be prosecuted by the courts nor persecuted by posters on this site
Mr. Allen should be escorted to the State Capitol to tell all residents of South Carolina where to find the perfect Chicken Wing and bestowed the Order of the Palmetto by the Great Governor of South Carolina forthwith
Make it the SC official “Food To Eat While Driving” — (better than eating the State insect, reptile, etc…..) PS: road kill doesn’t count.
You’re extremely intelligent,and I love you too much.
He might have been smokin some wacky terbacky and had the munchies
If it had been a Clemson Trustee, would have been overdose of chitterlings and poke salad.
Isn’t driving while eating [greasy wings or whatever] as distracting as driving while smart-phoning?
Yes Sir, you are correct! The danger is trying to lick the runny juices off your nose and chin, and don’t even think about dropping one in your lap!
… or hot coffee … or a hot toddy …
The phone can’t block your wind pipe.
“hypertensive episode seizure”, that sounds like something that would be dangerous to have and be behind the wheel of an automobile. He should have his licenses suspended until he can prove that it’s safe for him to operate a motor vehicle.
I know this is “off topic” but perhaps someone knows the answer
The High Sheriff of Berkeley County was arrested early this weekend.
According to the Newsless Courier in the Holy City “……..Berkeley County Sheriff H. Wayne DeWitt was granted a personal recognizance bond Sunday night in Moncks Corner on charges that he left the scene of a wreck while driving drunk.
Judge James Polk said he issued the unsecured bond because DeWitt was arrested by the South Carolina Highway Patrol and not a coroner, which is the only position legally empowered to arrest a sheriff in the state …..”
Was not aware that only a “coroner” could arrest a South Carolina Sheriff
Was not aware “coroners” had any arrest powers
Also if the Highway Patrol had no arrest authority then why didn’t the Judge dismiss the case
Maybe I need to stop eating wings
It is indeed frightening to know funeral home directors aka coroners have arrest powers.
Of course, if Judge James Polk is a magistrate, he may not know who can arrest who.
case of the munchies after smoking a few joints or trying to cover the alcohol on his breath?
Quotes from various authorities on the question, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
————————
Al Gore: “ He never made it. With all the global warming, he was fried as soon as he hit the hot asphalt”.
George Bush: “ I would like to unconfusicate the public about this. The chicken was in Iraq and he was crossing the road to escape weapons of mass destruction.”
Darth Vader: “Because it couldn’t resist the power of the dark side.”
Donald Trump: “Chicken? Chicken? That reminds me, I have to start working on my comb-over.”
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Looking at South Carolina’s football recruiting, he was hoping to get run over.
O-U-C-H..!!
Because Damned Tango’s dick was still in it’s ass.
I’m sorry sir, there’s a chicken bone in my shoe.
So what’s up with Moped-Ted and his DUIs????
He’s free to go stumbling across downtown columbia in search of his vehicle and 21 year old damsels in distress.
Justus has been served!
Don’t you mean “in my stool!”?
Not familiar with Ted Vick, are ya?
Was he allowed to drive himself home?
Our South, where “He needed killing,” and “Umph gobble gnaw” on some chunk of delectable meat, can both count as valid legal excuses.
Allen “refused evaluation.” Does that mean he refused a breathalyzer or blood test? If so, an immediate six month suspension of his driver’s license is mandatory under state law. Was he tested? Has his license been suspended? C’mon Sic! Do you just play at reporter?
Best Wings In The World
http://www.2fat2flywings.com/