HOW NOT TO START A SPEECH IN TIGERTOWN …
By WILL FOLKS || So I received an invitation not long ago to address the Rotary Club of Clemson, S.C. – which meets every Monday at noon at a lovely location called Occasions at Wedgefield in Central, S.C.
I’m not a Rotarian myself, but ties to this service organization run deep in my family … my father and cousin are both members (and past presidents) of the Five Points Rotary Club in downtown Columbia, S.C., and my great-grandfather Robert Andrew McLean was a member of the Dillon Rotary Club. In fact they used to hold meetings in my great-grandfather’s hospital room so he could maintain his perfect attendance.
Anyway, I accepted (of course) … but was warned prior to speaking that due to my status as a “fairly controversial figure,” there had been a little “pushback” regarding my appearance.
I get that a lot, to be honest. No big deal …
My problem? I didn’t exactly do what it took to win over the crowd …
In fact I pretty much turned the entire room against me by dropping a “five-bomb” immediately upon assuming the podium. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a “five-bomb” is a reference to the five consecutive football victories my alma mater, the University of South Carolina, has scored over arch-rival Clemson University – a streak that’s in serious jeopardy this season.
And so in light of the increasing likelihood of a Clemson victory this fall, I five-bombed while the five-bombing was still good …
“This is just me saying ‘hey,'” I said raising my right hand, all five fingers fully extended. “Pay no attention to the number of fingers I’m holding up.”
Yeah …
Dead. Silence. Icy glares. Furrowed brows.
Eventually someone cleared their throat. A few groans of contempt were audible in the back of the room.
In other words the joke “bombed.” Like … badly.
In fairness, I should have known better. With one or two exceptions (including my own Jeep Cherokee), every single car in the parking lot had a Clemson Tiger paw on its license plate. Hell, even the roads those cars drive on have Tiger Paws painted on them.
(Click to enlarge)
Yeah …
Anyway, despite my poorly wagered “five-bombing” I wound up having a very enjoyable, very enlightening discussion with the club’s members – much of it revolving around South Carolina’s education system and what needs to be done to fix it. There were tons of smart, direct questions from the audience – the sort of lively give-and-take the marketplace of ideas is built upon.
It was fun …
So thanks to the Clemson Rotary Club for allowing me to visit. And extra special thanks to its members for not murdering me in the wake of my ill-wagered “five-bomb.”
Will Folks is the founding editor of the website you are currently reading.
51 comments
Damn, Will. You’re so cool.
It’s cocky dirtpecker fans such as yourself which makes people like me wanting to see Head Cheerleader Dabo run up the score on Ol’ Ball Sack Slurrier. Nothing shuts up cocky assholes like beating the shit out of them.
And while the Gamecocks have done it to clemson each of the past five years, you’re still running your mouth.
When did USC ever run up the score on anyone?
56-20 in 1975. I wuz there and I still see Mike Hold passing late in the game. It led to 63-17 in 2003 and I hope to other lopsided Tiger wins.
You heard it here, Dabo. Keep it in mind.
My bad, Jeff Grantz, not Mike Hold.
Memory be fucked Howard, you thinking about Jeff Grantz but in all fairness he did say the Gamecocks would score every time they touched the ball.
Let me rephrase that, when has USC ever run up the score on anyone… in the last decade?
Hey dumbass you cant act like a tater, talk like a tater, and claim not to be a tater. You are even trying to not talk about the past? Thats all you taters have. and seeing how the 63-17 was now 11 years ago it too wouldn’t be in the last decade either..
If dirtpeckers were talking about the past they’d have to look at the first half of this season.
the same one where clemsux only has 1 more win they they do, and zero wins over ranked teams? (USC has 2 over ranked teams in that same span including one that beat Clemsux) If USC wins out its still a ten win season and better than your taters, as we would have not only beaten you again, we would be higher ranked by that time. Stout isn’t going to win it for you and you cant stop the run. Your shinning knight Watson has his 2nd injury already since getting there last semester so why do you think he will finish the season without getting hurt again? Until you win you have nothing on USC tater boy.
What happens if y’all lose to Florida, Tennessee, and Clemson and are home for the holidays while Clemson spanks a top 10 team in the Orange Bowl?
Clemson has as much chance to go to the Orange bowl as USC does of winning out. Neither will happen.
I shall start talking smack about how lame-ass Clemson is. In other words, adopt the general attitude of a Tiger fan.
Fair enough.
*chuckles*
TBG forgot about Auburn. Y’all will be very fortunate to go 2-2 against this “Orange Crush”…
TBG honestly believes we will beat you in the Valley. Wouldn’t surprise me if y’all beat Auburn, though. I suspect y’all will lose to either UT or UF…but not both.
Clemson’s Orange Bowl chance will even be ended this weekend when FSU gets knocked out of the playoff picture with a loss to Notre Dame. There wont be an ACC school good enough to go into the playoffs when that happens so FSU will go to the Orange bowl. instead of Clemson.
Notre Dame is, as always, the second most overrated team in the country. [Ohio State being the first]. FSU will crush them. Clemson may have problems with BC, though….
He’s a tater. This 5-boming forced him to crawl into his hole and say he’s not a Tater, but he is one. He’s the worst kind of human being. Nothing wrong with being a Clemson fan…just admit it, Tater Boy.
I was there too… and it was Jeff Grantz who scored again after Carlen called a time out with a 49-20 lead and under a minute left. Don’t think Carlen ever beat Clemson again!
I think West Virginia just scored again
So did Missouri.
It’s cocky dirtpecker fans such as yourself which makes people like me wanting to see Head Cheerleader Dabo run up the score on Ol’ Ball Sack Slurrier. Nothing shuts up cocky assholes like beating the shit out of them.
I wish people in SC took public affairs as seriously as they do college football.
God Damn what a perfect comment.
Wish I could come up with something that profound……………………..
I wish people in SC took public affairs as seriously as they do college football.
Rotary Clubs in SC are white only bastions of racial and religious bigotry. With strong connections to free masons, might as well throw in pagan idolatry and satanic worship as well.
Now they’re starting to sound like fun.
Other than the white-only, religious bigotry thing. If they’re into all that other stuff, they are party animals. I don’t believe in the existence of Satan, so satanic worship is just plain silly, but I hear they do throw the best orgies going.
If I want to see grown men running around in their underwear I’ll go hang out with Jakie Knotts and Jimmy Metts.
Haw!
And you don’t wear an apron or funny hat.
No funny hats? Count me out!
Do we get clown cars. Clown cars are a must!
Joe Wilson sucks too! Just like Ohaley, Obama/Obola, and C-LIE-burn!
We need Term Limits!
Hell you could have just said they’re a group of Baptists.
I have had no respect for the Rotary organization since they allowed that disgraced politician Mark Sanford to use it for his apology tour across the state after he hiked the AT.
That they actually have members stupid enough to ask a political hack blogger about education issues proves my initial contempt for the organization was correct.
Clemson invite FITS…..What have I been telling you???…
He five bombs himself every night, thinking about how he would love to make his lie of his tryst with Gov. Haley come true…
Since you were responsible for giving Spurrier the advice needed to turn around the Gamecocks, your entitled to act immature.
He is a real winner. You don’t pull on Superman’s cape or mess with Big Bad Will.
Stay classy Fits.
About a month and a half before the 5 bomb is relegated to the ash heap of history.
Not if Clemson Clemsons in Clemson again this year.
Sakerlina’s recent 4th quarters say, “Hi.”
And replaced by the Joy of Six?
And replaced by the Joy of Six?
Nope.
Fear the OTHER THUMB!
So your 5 bomb turned into a stink bomb?
Should Carolina beat Clemson this season, with our terrible team being what it is, I predict that there will be Clemson fans flinging themselves off of overpasses and buildings.
I was at the meeting. I want to say it was the most animated of discussions. while I didn’t agree with everything that was said, by both camps, it was what we appreciate most about being Americans. We can say what we believe, and we can disagree, without shooting each other or being arrested. Thank you for being at the Clemson Rotary Club.