AN OVERSIMPLIFIED SOLUTION TO A VERY COMPLEX PROBLEM
By Liz Gunn || Making snap judgments on a subject as sensitive as domestic violence will get you nowhere. Or in some cases, it will get you exactly what you were looking for.
When Mande Wilkes wrote about Janay Rice, wife of abusive, former NFL running back Ray Rice, taking her share of accountability for the recent and widely publicized incident of domestic violence -what do you think she was after? Do you think she expected people to agree wholeheartedly and applaud for finally being the one to say it?
Doubtful.
I think she expected to shock people with her brazen accusation that in fact Mrs. Rice should bear a lot of the blame for getting knocked unconscious by her then fiancé in an elevator. That through her own poor choices she put herself in that situation.
Well, Mande succeeded. Color me shocked, as well.
There were a few commenters who did actually agree with her, at least in part, although some of them backpedaled a little after reading more of the commentary.
It’s interesting; I try not to pay much attention to the comment section anymore, but for once some commenters actually provided some insightful and factual information regarding the psychology behind the battered housewife syndrome, and why it’s completely oversimplified to tell a victim to “just leave”. In South Carolina, some may call it an epidemic rather than just a syndrome.
“Of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.”
I learned the hard way writing in this forum that snap judgments on high profile news stories are great for clicks, page views and getting people all worked up. In the end though, I for one wished I had done more thorough research and presented all sides of the story more clearly.
There is a plethora of information and statistics readily available on domestic violence. There are a multitude of reasons that women stay in abusive relationships, ranging from fear to helplessness, none of which were mentioned in said article.
I don’t judge someone for asking the question, “Why would she stay?”, but to insinuate that Janay Rice is to blame for this occurrence is not only inflammatory but also dangerous.
What kind of message does it send when an accomplished, educated female says that this victim of domestic violence isn’t really a victim? What message does it send to abused women? To their abusers? To our sons and daughters?
Domestic violence is never okay, and in a perfect world women would leave the very first time a man even hinted at abuse, be it physical or otherwise. Unfortunately for some people it just isn’t that simple. For now, Janay Rice continues to stand by her abusive husband, and it is worrisome to me that she could be inadvertently encouraging other women in abusive relationships to do the same. I sincerely hope for her sake and the sake of their family, Mrs. Rice can find a safe path out of her current situation.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please be aware that there is help available. You can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, or click here for more information or to donate.
Liz Gunn is a wife, mom, author, businesswoman, travel enthusiast, food snob, fashionista, lover of great wine and the No. 1 Gamecock football fan … ever. A graduate of the University of South Carolina, she lives in Columbia, S.C. with her husband and daughter.
58 comments
Finally some reality has appeared……
How much more of the regurgitated The State newspaper website will this blog become? Didn’t they just do a big piece on domestic violence?
Don’t worry brah. Fits is going to come out with some new, cutting-edge formats including a new Mommy Page in which an experienced mom doles out mommy advice to new moms. Think of the clicks!
All I want to know is “where does Charlie Sheen shop for shirts?”
Someone sounds jealous or isn’t aware that he can stop coming and/or not click on certain articles.
You’re kind of whiney.
“You’re kind of whiney”
Says the guy whining about another guys whining.
you’re right. one article on domestic violence is enough. maybe next year SC can be #1 instead of #2.
Just leave? This site? OK…
do you have a job? or is this your full time “gig”? just curious.
Just the average poster here in this comments section. Like you.
“how many names do you have”???? wondering the same about you
Women are the most violent creatures on this earth Liz. They murder over a 1,000,000 of their own children a year.
Got a hotline number for the innocent , the unborn?
Oh, know-call Planned Parenthood. You femi-nazi’s are hypocrites.
Other than than that you are doing a good job.
Is it too late to abort you?
4,5,1,2
” 3 “……..
Father
Son
Holy Liz……
I think you missed the joke, big guy.
this picture says a 1000 words…
http://www.theblaze.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Ray-Rice_1-620×440.jpg
How many of those red women really were that size? According to those silhouettes there wasn’t a fat woman killed last year. All have the exact same profile, I suspect a serial killer.
I knew it wasn’t Berkowitz!
Men Don’t Tell …….. Domestic Violence was always the man. But things have changed since the 1990s …. And this move (free to watch) casted light, that men too are subjected to physical abuse at the hands of their wives or girlfriends …. “Men Don’t Tell” — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_gLDF2dGLY
Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you? What should abused men do if they are married to an abusive wife who is verbally, mentally, emotionally or perhaps even physically abusing her husband? ….. http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2010/01/husband-abuse-abused-husbands-and-men-in-abusive-relationships.html
That’s a better article than I thought it would be.
Anyone see the story on the wife who set fire to the martial home over in Lexington? Is happened over the weekend, I think.
We have a piece up over at: SCPSD on this subject:.
Title: Ray Rice saga sets the tongues of ignorance wagging
Teaser: Pundits from all corners, especially women, are deluging other women with advice to battered women.
But sadly, most of the female, and male, media experts commenting, have no idea how people in these situations live. They’d NEVER know what to do, or how to do it, if in the same situation.
Great Read, if you have the courage to find out something about yourselves.
Go fuck yourself, Gary.
And who the fuck is “we”? You’re the only one reading the drivel, much less writing it.
“We” = him and the snakes in his head that tell him shit to post about.
Your synopsis covers it just fine, thanks. We will stay over here. I don’t want to find out anything about myself, and even less about you.
Hey wood…….can I introduce you to Kerosene…..?
The commenters on this blog seem to be a hot topic today.
It the only reason to come to this site.
***….meanwhile over in the Tara “Serv-acious” WTMA Barn…***
Scarlet: “I do declare Rhett that the honorable Mrs Gunn sure does know how to fire some shotz…!”
Rhett: ” Scarlet, you need to get your clothes back on and we need to get over to the Fitsnews command bunker…..it sounds like Liz has gone “Lizzy”…!”
Scarlet: ” Don’t tell me she is wearing boots and jean shortz while pecking on her keyboard again….!”
Rhett: “No, Scarlet…..I think she had too much “Sweet and Low” while waiting for Lindsey Graham to show up at the “Med Tea Room”…!”
Scarlet: ” Liz is such a fine girl…from the North and all. Maybe I need to take her some Charleston Tea Company swag as a gift..?”
Rhett: “I don’t know about tea swag….but what she really needs is to be a part of the SMIRKS Brigade. She sounds like she really needs some “luv”…!”
Scarlet: “Well, I am not gonna give her my free “Harrell Airlines” pass. It includes frees free boiled peanuts and lowcountry canned pickles…! He is a cute pilot…”
Rhett: “Maybe we can take her one of our old Graham “goody” bags…?”
OK, Phillip, never mind what I said about you on another thread, to someone who probably was not even you anyway.
This one is pretty good.
From the North? Watch your mouth. And gimme my boiled peanuts and pickles.
Wow, if you Fits folks could only have Mark Sanford beat Jenny’s ass at the Boeing plant after shooting her black bodyguard and get pardoned by Nikki only to find out that SCDSS covered up the fact that he was abusing his son you would be rolling in dough.
Hmm……rolling dough..?
Well….if we could get a class action lawsuit against BOEING and the Post and Courier for sitting on the video we all know that would have been copied by the BOEING security camera administrator…….we would all really be rolling in mullah.!!
…or if we could get a class action lawsuit based upon the knowledge that Mark Sanford and Wil Folks had in presenting feelers to BOEING on behalf of the BEACH Company and John Bourne Realty years before 900 Million was whiffed from taxpayers without a vote……
……or if we could get ……….
And his “soul mate” was pulling the train with Lindsey and Sarah Palin!
Let me claim the ignominious distinction of being the first one to say it. Lately. >>>>>
GIRL-FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
I can give you 25 million reasons that she stays. I could give her 12.5 millions why she should leave.
Then she can “hook up” with another “athlete’, clean his account out and move on to another.
In a few years she could be a KARDASIHAN!!!!!!!!!
ok
I suspect Will is leading this into a pay for view baby oil “Rasling” match between Mande and Liz. This guy is a real entrepreneur, bonifide.
Mande is a lover not a fighter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nO_P4BH4pA
I’m a lover and a fighter, but I hate the smell of baby oil. Sorry, no go.
“I learned the hard way writing in this
forum that snap judgments on high profile news stories are great for
clicks, page views and getting people all worked up. In the end though, I
for one wished I had done more thorough research and presented all
sides of the story more clearly.”
I concur.
Hey, I can admit when I’m wrong.
Liz, I give you props for correctly articulating what should be the default position on domestic violence victims especially given our state’s unique ranking as one of the worst in the land.
However, it’s a shame you had to write this article in the first place when Wilkes should have written it to begin with and never attempted to wax factual on such a sensitive issue with “just leave”. She needs to stick to articles about clothes, makeup and dating boys.
Great article, Liz. I agree with you.
Check out the trending #whyIstayed. People need a little enlightenment. Especially Mandy,
I was just about to update my post with this info. It’s sobering and sad, yet it really does help shed some light on the subject.
I think she expected to shock people with her brazen accusation that in fact Mrs. Rice should bear a lot of the blame
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https://04667482882828457586.googlegroups.com/attach/c6e21aa43b543296/Guilty.mp3?part=0.1&view=1&vt=ANaJVrF-8eQvobNYQUVsZBkCOfpsH3YSBVicdMia5aaB43ZiVH2NEHyHOuNw-bjRNdphrYRMzROwqzQTHx3lVqTTfBxLYvh-sil3iTplNpg3bmqKwFNwb-M
I tried to leave many times. But it’s not that simple. First and foremost is money.It’s very very hard to just pick up and leave when I do have a job to report to, even though it’s low paying, and moving somewhere costs money with deposits and first month rent. Plus how will I move any furniture/belongings? He will be waiting for me to come home to get my things. You may think go buy new clothes and beds and pans, but again that takes money. Second, no support system, even from my family. Yes my parents and sibling fell into the “you must be stupid, so you get what you get” syndrome. I was isolated for the same reason, so no friends to turn to. No one to turn to. Low self esteem? Yes. Emotionally abused as a child, broken before I was even built up, so it makes it hard to stand up for yourself. 3- shame…It’s embarrasing to be abused and so you want to hide it. I tried to hide it as much as possible to avoid judgement from family, friends, co workers, etc. Although it seems everyone knew about it. and I was in mymid 20’s
I’m hopeful in assuming you did eventually leave. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I really appreciate you sharing your story here.
Choices produce results. Maybe parents, society and feminist “leaders” who are so expert now, should tell the girls they mentor that wild fun, bad-boys and immorality have very dire consequences. Cosmo, US Mag and all the others preach have fun, get-it-on and don’t preach to me….
Maybe you should tell young women that these publications, and the general liberal dogma, are filth and trash. When you teach them to respect themselves, instead of decadent pop culture values, maybe it will change…. Until then you have blood on your hands, too.
If he hits you, but he’s really hot or really rich, does that make it okay? If she doesn’t leave, but she’s really hot, or not that crazy, does that change things?