Sports

Remember Jared Lorenzen?

Fans of the Southeastern Conference cannot forget former University of Kentucky quarterback Jared Lorenzen – a.k.a. “Hefty Lefty” and the “Pillsbury Throwboy.” From 2000-03, this stocky fellow threw for more than 10,000 yards and 78 touchdowns for the Wildcats … and ran for another twelve scores. Due to his, um…

Fans of the Southeastern Conference cannot forget former University of Kentucky quarterback Jared Lorenzen – a.k.a. “Hefty Lefty” and the “Pillsbury Throwboy.”

From 2000-03, this stocky fellow threw for more than 10,000 yards and 78 touchdowns for the Wildcats … and ran for another twelve scores. Due to his, um … rotundness, however, Lorenzen wasn’t drafted in 2004. But he was signed by the NFL’s New York Giants, and he won a Super Bowl ring in 2008 as Eli Manning’s backup.

Where is Lorenzen now?

After being cut by the Giants in 2008 (and signed and cut by the Indianapolis Colts in 2009), he’s been playing minor league football – and briefly serving as a commissioner for the Ultimate Indoor Football League (UIFL).

This year, Lorenzen – who has ballooned to more than 320 pounds – is playing quarterback for the Northern Kentucky River Monsters of the Continental Indoor Football League (CIFL).

Wanna see the second-heaviest player on the team’s roster move?

Take a look here …

And here …

Impressive, right?

For those of you keeping score at home, Lorenzen’s River Monsters defeated the Bluegrass Warhorses 36-20 in their season opener this week … but the real story was obviously the squad’s oversized 32-year-old signal-caller.

“Lorenzen is an American hero, and we salute him,” writes Sports Nation’s Rodger Sherman. “Godspeed, Hefty Lefty. Godspeed.”

Indeed. You go, Throwboy.

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17 comments

Frank Pytel February 5, 2014 at 8:57 am

You couldn’t sack that guy if your life depended on it.

Reply
jimlewisowb February 5, 2014 at 9:19 am

Nor could you get that guy in a sack if your life depended on it

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Frank Pytel February 5, 2014 at 9:39 am

My name ain’t 9″ OWB. Don’t you be cussing me.

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jimlewisowb February 5, 2014 at 10:30 am

Frank, Frank, Frank

“get that guy ‘in a’ sack” – like put him in a sack, too big to fit in a sack

If you were “9” I would have said ” get that guy ‘in’ the sack”

Reply
Frank Pytel February 5, 2014 at 10:45 am

Hey, I been starting at 4 am and ending at 6 pm. I’m toast brother. :-(

Pickin at ya February 5, 2014 at 8:59 am

He scrambles better than Peyton Manning.

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The Colonel February 5, 2014 at 10:48 am

And Todd Ellis!

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Pickin at ya February 5, 2014 at 11:01 am

Ha!

The only reason Ellis hasn’t put on that kind of weight is that his mouth never stops moving long enough for him to shove food in it.

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Squishy123 February 5, 2014 at 9:19 am

I bet he doesn’t ever get down under center.

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The Colonel February 5, 2014 at 10:49 am

They’d have to dig a hole first…

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EJB February 5, 2014 at 9:30 am

Bet the center cringes when they call for a “quarterback
sneak”.

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Same ol' Same ol' February 5, 2014 at 10:35 am

Be hard for him to “sneak” anywhere.
I had never heard of him. Was he ever on the field in the NFL? Wonder how he did? (I’ll google it, questions are just me, wondering out loud)

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doug February 5, 2014 at 5:16 pm

He backed up Eli, who now has the longest active starting streak, so no, he didn’t make it to the field often. He was awesome at Kentucky and moves good period, not just for a guy his size.

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The old days February 5, 2014 at 9:57 am

Looks like the golfer Chris Patton running around in pads. For those of you who do not remember he won the US amateur and played at Augusta. I understand he now gives golf lessons at a driving range in Greer. Word has it that Arnold Palmer gave him a cadillac after his big win.

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MashPotato February 5, 2014 at 10:42 am

I’m laughing so hard right now… I’m so glad Lorenzen is still playing football, and rather well I might add. Thanks for reporting this story!

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein February 5, 2014 at 12:28 pm

Someone with mad video skills needs to do a mashup of this guy throwing the TD pass to…William Perry.

Z-TAC?

Reply
hack February 6, 2014 at 9:44 pm

Athlete.

Reply

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