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Iran: Aliens Running US Domestic, Foreign Policy

Iran’s official news service claims aliens have been running the U.S. government for the past sixty-nine years … which couldn’t be true because there’s no way a superior intelligence would be monetizing debt, incentivizing joblessness and dependency, dumbing down future generations and wasting money and lives on a failed interventionist…

Iran’s official news service claims aliens have been running the U.S. government for the past sixty-nine years … which couldn’t be true because there’s no way a superior intelligence would be monetizing debt, incentivizing joblessness and dependency, dumbing down future generations and wasting money and lives on a failed interventionist foreign policy.

Wait … unless it’s all part of their clever plan to send the world’s lone superpower hurtling toward the ash heap of history …

Anyway, Iran’s state news agency FARS claims that top secret National Security Agency documents linked to Edward Snowden provide “incontrovertible proof” that an “alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda” has been dictating American domestic and foreign policy since 1945.

Specifically, the report claims an alien race dubbed the “Tall Whites” (so racist, right?) has been “working with the US Air Force in Nevada” for years.  This is allegedly the same group of extraterrestrials “behind the stunning rise of Nazi Germany during the 1930’s.”

And no … we are not making any of this up.

Iran really said that.

Who knows? Maybe we ought to give these “Tall White” guys a shot?

After all, there’s absolutely no way they could screw things up any worse than they already are …

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27 comments

Aliens are in my head January 16, 2014 at 12:03 am

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

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euwe max January 16, 2014 at 4:13 am

Aliens are on the grass.

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Aliens are in my head January 16, 2014 at 9:10 am

Got to keep the Aliens on the path.

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TontoBubbaGoldstein January 16, 2014 at 11:42 am

There’s someone in my head, but it’s not TBG…

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Thomas January 16, 2014 at 12:26 am

Snowden had to be an Obama operative…

President Obama: On all these issues, but particularly missile defense, this, this can be solved but it’s important for him to give me space.

President Medvedev: Yeah, I understand. I understand your message about space. Space for you…

President Obama: (reaching over and putting his hand on Mr. Medvedev’s knee): This is my last election. After my election I have more flexibility.

President Medvedev: I understand. I will transmit this information to Vladimir.

…and if this stolen information came from NSA hard drives, from Obama’s Snowden to Russia with love, you bet it is credible.

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Send um all home January 16, 2014 at 1:59 am

Amen! With Obama and Ohaley, we are screwed, alien or not!
Of course, let us not leave out Clyburn, Wilson, Reid, Pelosi, Shummer, Leatherman, Martin, the Peelers, Harrell………..just go ahead and add about 99% of all elected officials of both parties.

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CorruptionInColumbia January 16, 2014 at 12:40 pm

Don’t forget McCain, Grahamnasty, and Boehner…

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euwe max January 16, 2014 at 3:33 am

Note:

This report has been wired from Whatdoesitmean.com. As you can see, we have both mentioned and hyperlinked the source of this report and also released it in the wire section of our website to notify our viewers that all responsibility for the veracity, authenticity and reliability of this report lies with its original source, whatdoesitmean.com.

The wired report further mentioned that former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer has confirmed Snowden’s remarks and expressed his supportive views in an interview with Russia Today after he was given access to all of Snowden’s documents by Russian intelligence services. To help our readers with more relevant sources of information we included the video of Hellyer’s interview with RT, where he said extraterrestrial beings are amongst us and if we down at least one UFO, we’ll be facing an interstellar war, and that Apollo astronaut, Edgar Mitchell, told him there were something around two and twelve spices of aliens visiting the Earth, and that the aliens have provided people in the American government with military technology. The interview had been released on December 30, 2013 that is a few days before the whatdoesitmean report.

Yet, again this does not mean that we support or reject Hellyer’s views.

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The Colonel January 16, 2014 at 5:58 am

Well, John Kerry is tall and white and it might help to explain all the stupid decisions we’ve made in the last 30-40 years……

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TontoBubbaGoldstein January 16, 2014 at 6:57 am

In the name of Allah!!! TBG believes the Iranians are on to something

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Frankenkerry January 16, 2014 at 9:12 am

He’s just one Nobel prize away from PC legitimacy.

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shifty henry January 16, 2014 at 8:12 am

But – but – but—- with aliens, zombies, vampires, and the pods among us…WILL WE HUMANS HAVE A CHANCE…??

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CorruptionInColumbia January 16, 2014 at 12:42 pm

Uhhh……………………no. Not really.

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shifty henry January 16, 2014 at 1:33 pm

Since they have been quiet for the last few years, I forgot to include —–THE MORLOCKS..!!

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CorruptionInColumbia January 16, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Oh yeah! Them too! Hey, I wonder if that’s what that eerie siren I heard Tuesday around “lunch” time was? There are enough Eloi voting and participating in polls to keep them fed, that’s for sure!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_XQ5ITv7p0

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shifty henry January 16, 2014 at 3:22 pm

Looking at the photo reminds me of the guy discussing his blind date from the previous night whose breasts were on her back.. “She was ugly to look at but a whole lot of fun to dance with!”

GrandTango January 16, 2014 at 8:16 am

Hmmm: And Obama (and the democrat party) is closer, in philosophy to the Iranian method of government than that they are to American values….

Should tell you a lot….

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shifty henry January 16, 2014 at 8:30 am

Handy Hint — Include in your Emergency & Disaster Survival Kits battery-operated cd players each with a copy of Slim Whitman’s “Indian Love Call”…

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Jackie Chiles January 16, 2014 at 9:13 am

The Aztecs said the same thing when Hernando Cortez arrived. Seems like things turned out ok for them.

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GrandTango January 16, 2014 at 9:44 am

Yeah, they’d be double-@$$ backwards, still sacrificing their children to volcanoes if we didn’t slap the $#!* out of the idiots, and civilize them… Too bad the cannibalism market took a dive when Europeans told them eating each other is a taboo in some cultures…

Of course you leftwing F**k-ups freely offer up your children to the gods of pop culture and you worship the worthless and slothful Obama…so I guess some of the ignorance is being maintained by the democrat party…

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Labor Finders® January 16, 2014 at 1:18 pm

Come pull this dead tree out of my yard, and then you can say you have a job…

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GrandTango January 16, 2014 at 1:43 pm

No, you probably need to sit on and pleasure yourself…and Obama will let you marry it, if he can get it the right to vote….

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Labor Finders® January 16, 2014 at 2:03 pm

Sorry, BigT. The thing is dead and it breaks my heart I can’t feel its appendages growing this spring. Do you think you could cut it up and cremate it so I can place it with Grandma on the mantel? That would be great…

GrandTango January 16, 2014 at 2:43 pm

Why let death refuse you the right to love who you want..isn’t that the mantra you ignorant F*#ks operate under???

snickering January 16, 2014 at 9:59 am

They’re grey”

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JustSomeGuy January 16, 2014 at 5:09 pm

At the risk of getting flamed, FARS is not an actual state news agency. It is semi-official and has some ties to the govt, but is not wholly controlled by them like IRIB and IRNA and others.

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fitsnews=k0kEatersklub January 17, 2014 at 6:33 am

LOL! i love how this low grade disinfo-artist and woman beating lowlife can get so many comments from his coterie of faithful brain dead cultists and worshippers over an article so ridiculous AND TOTALLY MISREPRESENTED as to its actual content and originating source. then the same (founding editor aka haley/sanford loyalist) throws gas on the flame (provided by his clown cult worshippers) using the same fake persona he’s been using for years and you desperate and ignorant losers (who blame obama for all your pathetic lives- AS IF HE CAUSED YOUR WILLFUL IGNORANCE AND INTELLECTUAL STUPIDITY) get even more hyped up than you even got responding to this david icke sh1t that may have been “interesting” about a decade ago LM<FAO! thats how far you are behind the curve. good luck dealing with this aquarian age. i give most of you 2-3 years before your heads totally explode or you idiots will just bang it against the wall until your low iqs raise a few points to the upper 60s.

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