Men in South Carolina may be dumb, poor and lazy … but they’ve got something big going for them.
Or at least they think so …
According to an unscientific (yet hilarious) publicity stunt by online condom dispenser Condomania.com, South Carolina ranks No. 10 nationally in penis size. Well … let’s rephrase that: South Carolina ranks tenth nationally in terms of the size of condoms its men order.
“All condom sales data was compiled by state,” the company explains. “Then, the percentage of customers purchasing small or large size condoms was compared to the total of customers who purchased regular sized condoms.”
The most well-hung state by these calculations? North Dakota.
The least-hung? Mississippi.
Hmmmm … maybe the Magnolia State was just “in the pool.”
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M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-little pp-I
Poor Mississippi just can’t even be average in anything.
Everything is bigger in Texas.
At the height of the cold war, the Soviet Union ordered cases of condoms designed to fit over a member that was at least 16″ in length and 4″ in circumference. This was done as a propaganda move to make the Americans feel bad about themselves.
Sensing the nature of the order and not to be outdone, the American condom manufacturer filled the order and shipped out to the Soviets, but not before labeling the condoms as “Medium”.
The old jokes are always the best jokes!
A duck is buying a package of condoms. The clerk asks, “Cash or charge?”
The duck says, “Just charge it to my account, please.”
The following week the duck is back to purchase another pack
of condoms. The clerk asks, “Want me to put them on your bill?”
The duck replies, “No thanks – I’m not that kind of duck.”
Beer out my nose!
I heard Kelly payne requires Eckstrom to wear a full body comdom, because he is a total prick!
I heard the same thing about Sanford and Peeler.
Wonder how many dudes buy Magnums and pretend they need them, though.
Howie Mandell said he used to put just the regular sized condoms on his head when doing stand-up. If a regular size will fit a human head, how big does your dick have to be to need a Magnum?
I buy magnums thank you……medium for my tongue.
I’va always said a 6 inch tongue is better than a 9 inch penis!
Preacher went to visit old maid.
They entered the parlor to visit and lady went to Kitchen to fetch tea and cookies.
The minister noticed a bowl on the organ full of water with a floating condom.
He tried to be polite; but, his curiosity got the best of him.
He told the lady, “I could not help but notice the bowl of water with the packet on the organ?”
She said, “O it is wonderful. I was walking through the park and saw the package on the ground. I picked it up and read, keep moist, place on organ to prevent disease”.
“I followed the instructions and have not had the FLU in three years!”
Bless you!
Word on da Screet:
BigT/GrandTango could move to Mississippi and help out both states’ average.
These statistics could be distorted. Shifty knows that women also purchase condoms to keep handy – just in case. They will also buy the largest size available in the hope that …… — just in case.
If they are looking for the largest size, just in case, you may want to tie a 2×4 across your ass so you don’t fall in.
HELLO -OO – 00 – ooo …..
Thanks Gooooood for Mississippi.
A guy goes into a pharmacy and speaks to the woman behind the
counter, “Could I see the pharmacist, please?”
The woman replies, “I am the pharmacist. What can I help you with?”
“Well,” he replies, “It’s really, really very personal and I need
to see the male pharmacist.”
“Oh,” she says, “I’m the pharmacist here and my sister is the other.
You see we own the pharmacy together.”
“I see,” says the guy, “In that case, since this is sort of an emergency,
I’ll tell you, but it has to be in private.”
“Come into my office,” she says. The guy pulls out his penis which has some
sort of rash on it. The pharmacist says she needs to take a closer look, and as she holds his penis in her hands and turns it this way and that way to get a closer look, his penis becomes erect. In amazement, she is looking at a
14” penis. “You know,” she says, “I must get my sister to take a look at this.
Wait here.”
Fifteen minutes later the two women come back into the office and shut the door. The guy asks, with a worried look on his face, “Please, what can you give me for this?”
“Well, my sister and I have decided that we can give you 25% ownership in the store and $500 a week salary!”
Damn, no Christmas bonus!!!
It’s our (well-hung) high ethnic population that is skewing the results. Thank God that they’re using condoms …
By the lead in photo I thought this was going to be an article about Obama.
Chinese “Yellow Peril”..?
Right direction, wrong metaphor.
Being queer,from way back,I thought it was good for something:no ‘Nam(took a letter to the draft board,and got some butt there,in the meantime), no babies,no rubbers,etc,and as a top, it never really mattered.Gay men have bigger dicks than straight guys.This ‘poll’ is skewed.
Europeans have the biggest ones of all ,and are almost always uncircumcised.
Women receive more pleasure, from an ‘intact’ man,as the good Lord intended,than a ‘cut’ guy(ouch! how can we do this to our children?!),and are far more likely to ,’get off’.
I’ve probably encountered more dick than most,here…White guys are usually biggest.
White guys are usually biggest.
Sorry, Hoss, but that would be Native Americans.
FWIW, Jewish guys have the most *stamina*.
But for the all around best sexual experience for women…one need to look no further than Southern good-ol’-boys, AKA rednecks.
A short white guy was peeing in the trough when a big black guy comes in and stands next to him. The black guy says, “Wow – I just made it!” The white guy looks over and says, “Could you make one for me – but in white?”
I’m reminded of an old Lewis Grizzard joke:
A man and a woman are talking on a train
She tells him she’s a nympho trying to have sex everywhere possible and she’s never done it on a train
He asks her who the best lovers are
She says it’s a tie, cowboys stay in the saddle longer and Jewish men know their way around a woman’s body the best
He asks her name and she says Chastity
She asks his name
He replies Hopalong Ginsberg at you service ma’am…
Hopalong Ginsberg…
*chuckles*
I agree with you about,rednecks.They’re quite tolerant,when you get them alone.Why you think I love SC so much?
Another of my Dad’s favorites—
————————————–
A draftee checked in at Ft. Jackson for his tests. He was wearing lipstick, wig, flimsy dress, and high heels. The Army refused to take him in, but the doctor took him out.
“…from an ‘intact’ man,as the good Lord intended…
Hmmm, Genesis 17:10 “This is My covenant, which you shall keep between Me and you and your descendants after you: every male among you shall be circumcised”
Limpy Graham just booked a flight to Bismark.
In North Dakota they put them on the donkeys
Up at Clemsux they put them on before they do the cows too.
A GI went into a Vietnamese whore house, for the first time, and asked the madam, “Ummm, is it true that oriental girls’ vaginas are horizontal?” The madam looks at him curiously and asks him in reply, “Why – you play harmonica?”
When I get back in town we’ll jump up to number 4…
Two guys pissing off a bridge one dark night.
“Damn, that water sure is cold,” says one.
“And deep too,” rejoins the other.