SC

South Carolina Has Trouble Cooking Turkeys

Last year we brought our readers a report on South Carolina’s less-than-impressive national standing when it came to clumsiness with iPhones (fourth-clumsiest) and iPads (first-clumsiest). Prepare to chalk up another measure of Palmetto State brilliance … According to data collected by State Farm from 2005-2012, South Carolina ranked second in…

Last year we brought our readers a report on South Carolina’s less-than-impressive national standing when it came to clumsiness with iPhones (fourth-clumsiest) and iPads (first-clumsiest).

Prepare to chalk up another measure of Palmetto State brilliance …

According to data collected by State Farm from 2005-2012, South Carolina ranked second in the nation in per capita Thanksgiving Day fires. Only Alaska (you betcha!) outpaced the Palmetto State.

News of South Carolina’s turkey cooking problems was first reported by Hanna Raskin, food critic for The (Charleston, S.C.) Post and Courier.

Wanna not kill yourself this Thanksgiving? Courtesy of Butterball, here’s a list of helpful hints for deep frying a turkey … 

Of course those hints do require the cook to be literate, which is always a hit-or-miss proposition in South Carolina. Hmmmmm …

Related posts

SC

North Charleston Councilman Accuses Cop Of Falsifying Police Report

Will Folks
SC

‘Carolina Crossroads’ Update: SCDOT Set To Unveil New Plan To The Public

Will Folks
SC

Federal Lawsuit Alleges Racial Discrimination in Horry County School

Callie Lyons

41 comments

Robert November 26, 2013 at 8:27 pm

Do NOT follow this instruction to heat oil to 400. WAY too hot. I’ve fried turkeys for years. As soon as oil heats 375, lower turkey. Oil will drop in temperature. Keep temp at 360 and cook 4 mins per pound. At 400, the risk of burning oil is too great.

Reply
among others November 26, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Wouldn’t that depend on the cooking used? Cottonseed Oil smokes at 420 degrees. Refined Peanut Oil at 450 degrees.

Personally, I like the high temps. It lowers the “greasiness.”

What oil do you use?

Reply
Holidaze Ablaze November 26, 2013 at 9:16 pm

Damn, I smoke at 4:20 as well.

Reply
among others November 26, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Ha! My motto has always been: “It’s 5:00 somewhere.”

Reply
Robert November 27, 2013 at 4:21 am

I use peanut oil. My experience is if you keep the oil above 375, it may not ignite, but it will burn. Frying at a consistent 360-365 will give crisp outside to bird while not ruining oil.

Reply
SCBlueWoman November 26, 2013 at 9:17 pm

Personally, I wouldn’t “fry” a turkey.

Reply
Norma Scok November 27, 2013 at 11:17 pm

So dropping a frozen one n 400 degree oil is completely out of the question, huh?

Reply
Frank Pytel November 28, 2013 at 9:23 am

Go For It. You can do it. I have great confidence in your ability to increase the understanding of physics for our young and for the country as a whole.

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein November 28, 2013 at 10:07 am

Norma,
You don’t really want to spend your Saturday night sharing a local hospital’s burn unit with a plethora of Sakerlina defensive backs, do you?

Reply
SCBlueWoman November 26, 2013 at 9:16 pm

SC has trouble with a lot of things. With our education rated at 49 out of 51 it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

Reply
Same ol' Same ol' November 26, 2013 at 9:53 pm

This is SC. It’s rocket surgeon.

Reply
9" November 26, 2013 at 10:59 pm

I LOVE sturgeon!

Reply
Fried Everything November 26, 2013 at 9:43 pm

I’ve lived in several states and can tell you that prior to living in SC I’d never heard of frying a turkey for thanksgiving, so the statistics might be a little misleading.

Reply
Mike at the Beach November 26, 2013 at 10:06 pm

A fire is a fire, friend. If the stat was on fires solely attendant to deep frying large birds over an open flame, I’d be willing to bet that we would have beaten Alaska and the next five states combined…

Reply
among others November 26, 2013 at 11:58 pm

You talking about Cool Springs or Aynor?

Reply
Mike at the Beach November 26, 2013 at 11:59 pm

You obviously know what I’m talking about!

Reply
9" November 27, 2013 at 1:58 am

Deep-fried turkey is delicious,and the only way to go,IMO.It’s been around for awhile,now.It’s popular ,everywhere:http://www.mamayanceys.com/deep-fried-turkey/

Reply
9" November 26, 2013 at 10:58 pm

There’s a guy down the street who fries my turkey.All I have to do is get my ham-bone boiled:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yya2l4j77RA

Reply
The Colonel November 26, 2013 at 11:20 pm

Quoting the idiot Post and Courier reporter: “…By contrast, one out of every 295,250 South Carolinians had a bad run-in with a deep-fryer or kitchen grease”. Based on the quote – there’s not much of a “turkey fryer” story here Will, particularly when you consider that no South Carolina meal is complete without something fried in lard on the stove.
Then you look at the real numbers: based on the report, maybe 17 homes will have either a fryer fire or a stove fire – I’d call that survival of the fittest and move on. By the way, rumor has it that photo was taken in your carport last year.

Reply
CNSYD November 27, 2013 at 9:16 am

Colonel, Will is is attempting to get credit with Howie Rich for “government-run” education in SC in hopes that Howie’s voucher scam will sell. That is the reason for the plethora of articles alleging that ALL South Carolina natives are dumb, illiterate, etc.

Reply
The Colonel November 27, 2013 at 10:18 am

Concur, that’s why I felt obligated to point out the BS.

Reply
The Colonel November 29, 2013 at 4:59 am

And proving my analysis, this just in from Fox:

“…For the last seven years, Texas has led the country in most grease- and cooking-related insurance claims on Thanksgiving Day, with 38 according to insurance company State Farm. Illinois follows, with 27 reports and Pennsylvania and Ohio are tied for third with 23. New York ranked fourth, with 22 claims and South Carolina and Georgia claimed fifth with 16 claims each…” http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2013/11/27/this-state-has-most-deep-fried-turkey-accidents/?intcmp=features

Stupid ignorant yankee…

Reply
Slartibartfast November 26, 2013 at 11:57 pm

Mmmmmmmmmmm. Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied Turrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkey! Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Reply
Cleveland Steamer November 27, 2013 at 2:29 am

Jesus says do not fry a turkey indoors, I concur. The article will lead to a half dozen fires just by implying that it’s OK.

More tips
Place your cooker on a surface without combustable material underneath
Lower bird slooooooowly into oil at 375 degrees
Don’t let Fido hang around the fryer
Save the alchohol consumption for after the meal
Thaw your turkey until no ice or frozen shit remains
Drain that bird of all ice and water, plus remove all extras shoved up inside that sob. (I like hanging mine of my basketball goal)
Don’t put your hands in the oil for a taste (this is SC)
Inject some creole seasonsining.
Fry some potatoes before and afterwards to clean oil, and because they are so fucking good.
Filter used oil through something so you can do it agin at Christmas.
Use the internets if you have questions.

Reply
ThreePalms November 27, 2013 at 10:44 am

Frying potatoes before and after is a damn good idea. Thank you.

I must point out that the consumption of alcohol DURING the meal is prefered. I recommend a chilled Chardonay.

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein November 28, 2013 at 10:24 am

Remove the plastic pop-up thermometer from the breast and the plastic leg holder together thingie in the the turkey’s ass. Also, often the giblet bag is rolled up in the fat at the neck end of the turkey. TBG experimented with many different injections and finally settled on straight Tabasco sauce. (Not as hot as you would think), but has found that (opposite of what you would think) injected turkeys end up drier than non injected turkeys.

Frying potatoes is an excellent idea. Never had heard it before, thanks.

You can reuse your cooker and your oil Saturday night to fry chickens, three at a time (some turkey racks come with 3 verticle rods that can be wingnutted on the base). Only takes about 25 minutes. TBG injects the chickens with beer.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

Go Tigers!

Reply
Thomas November 27, 2013 at 3:33 am

Got a fried turkey today from Piggie Park. Well worth the drive through Winter Storm Boreas. Includes a bottle of Maurice’s BBQ sauce too. Have a non eventful holiday, see you next week…that is if I am not indicted, killed by a drunk driver, told to shelter in place by Obama, or my bank accounts are frozen in a “bank holiday” bail-in.

Since I am here, these are 6 reasons why USC will beat Clemson:

1) Connor Shaw
2) Dylan Thompson
3) JD
4) Mike Davis
5) Shon Carson
6) Coach Spurrior

Reply
CNSYD November 27, 2013 at 9:20 am

Well maybe Will’s obsession with “government-run” education in SC has a point. “Spurrior”?

Reply
Thomas November 27, 2013 at 10:41 am

Typical response by one of many anal retentive Karl Smirxist advocates that annoy us at FITS News.

Reply
CNSYD November 27, 2013 at 10:53 am

“us at FITS News” You work at FITS News? If not, who is “us”?

Reply
shifty henry November 27, 2013 at 7:28 pm

DAMN! — that is SICK..!!!

Reply
Frank Pytel November 28, 2013 at 9:22 am

Snacks. Yum

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein November 28, 2013 at 10:01 am

TBG’s new desktop background.

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein November 28, 2013 at 10:31 am

3) JD

Is this the week that JD finally shows up with kerosene soaked rags tied around his ankles so that ants don’t crawl up his legs and bite his candy ass?

Reply
Frank Howard November 28, 2013 at 1:41 pm

LOL! That you, Dale?

Reply
TontoBubbaGoldstein November 28, 2013 at 6:21 pm

That you, Dale?

No. But TBG should have properly attributed it.

Hard to believe Dale’s been up in your neck of the woods for almost 13 years.

“Always THE MAN.
Always a fan.”

Reply
Smirks November 27, 2013 at 9:10 am

Famously Hot (and after an hour or two, homeless)

Reply
Lol November 27, 2013 at 11:17 am

SC, you so stupid. Thanks for providing so many laughs and head slapping moments to the rest of the country. Without a high teen birth rate and transplants from out of state that would be one ghost town of a place.

Reply
Crooner November 27, 2013 at 3:29 pm

I’d place the several gallons of boiling oil needed to fry a turkey in the same category as a chain saw, which is to say both are best left to the hands of a professional.

Reply
shifty henry November 27, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Two for all of my friends – share and enjoy Thanksgiving Day…..

1).. Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi…!!

2).. The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

Reply

Leave a Comment