Iowa Congressman To Test SC Waters

Amazon Founder Says He Clicked on Washington Post by Mistake

SEATTLE (The Borowitz Report) — Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.com, told reporters today that his reported purchase of the Washington Post was a “gigantic mix-up,” explaining that he had clicked on the newspaper by mistake.

“I guess I was just kind of browsing through their website and not paying close attention to what I was doing,” he said. “No way did I intend to buy anything.”

Mr. Bezos said he had been oblivious to his online shopping error until earlier today, when he saw an unusual charge for two hundred and fifty million dollars on his American Express statement.

After investigating with the credit-card company, he was informed that he had been charged for the purchase price of the entire Washington Post, which, he said, was “pure craziness.”

“No way in hell would I buy the Washington Post,” he said. “I don’t even read the Washington Post.”

Mr. Bezos said he had been on the phone with the Post’s customer service for the better part of the day trying to unwind his mistaken purchase, but so far “they’ve really been giving me the runaround.”

According to Mr. Bezos, “I keep telling them, I don’t know how it got in my cart. I don’t want it. It’s like they’re making it impossible to return it.”

Maybe James Petegru was wrong about South Carolina being too big to be an asylum, since all the loonies are flocking here.

Perhaps King is coming to SC as part of Republican National Chairmn Reince Priebus'”Outreach” effort.Certainly ought to helpwith Hispanics!

It’s seriously telling that, only after calling Hispanic immigrants into America drug mules with big calves, does he get feted in South Carolina. One initial step to Hispanic outreach could be—and I’m just spit balling here, gang—giving a giant “FUCK YOU” to such an assclown. Not that it matters. SC’s “kingmaker” label died with Newt’s corpulent flame out.

Maybe King thinks Mexicans can wash dishes in President Newt’s moon colony?

Anchor babies and cantaloupe calves. I love this adorable, sociopath. He’s just the sort of honest, forward looking candidate that will save the Republican’s presidential fortunes.

Most people that I know, who are legally here and come from a country in which Spanish is the primary language, detest being called “Hispanic.” The Colombians are not fond of the Mexicans and, except for the Aztecans, consider them inferior. The Mexicans are Aztecaphobic. Brazilians loathe Peruvians and consider them arrogant and stupid, while the Pervians think Brazilians are immoral and vulgar. I could go on.

To lump people who speak Spanish into one, voting, ethnic group is probably the stupidest thing that the GOP could do, and in any case, it is even more foolish to chase them as if they were. Since it is stupid, it is no wonder Lindsey Graham is for it.

Yeah, he’s presidential timber. In which alternate universe?

Republicans don’t like any Hispanics, except Cubans. They love Cubans — not Mexicans, Hondurans, Panamanians, Colombians, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, et al. Just Cubans. The Cubans, allied with goobers from the panhandle and Florida’s northern strip, have been the mainstay of Republican power in Florida for many years. If this wasn’t a reality, they wouldn’t like Cubans either.

I am from Iowa and King is a laughing stock there, outside of his district, which is therefore a laughing stock as well. This means he will fit right in here with our cast of national embarrassments.

Somebody should really “test the water” in SC.