Actor Michael Douglas has ignited a major global debate with his shocking statements regarding oral sex and throat cancer.
The 68-year-old star of Wall Street, Basic Instinct and Traffic was asked by The (U.K.) Guardian whether he regretted his many years of smoking and drinking – which were thought to have led to his 2010 diagnosis of throat cancer.
“No,” Douglas told the paper. “Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV (human papillomavirus), which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”
Wait … cunnilingus? For those of you educated in South Carolina public schools, cunnilingus refers to the act of performing oral sex on the female vagina (a.k.a. “going down,” “eating out,” “muff diving”). It can be either the best or the worst thing in the world depending on the vagina, and (with the notable exception of our founding editor) women are generally much better at it than men.
Anyway … Douglas’ comments quickly went, um, “viral” – with hundreds of media outlets reporting on the story. Our intrepid liberal columnist Amy Lazenby covered the issue too, writing this very grown-up piece regarding the debate over South Carolina’s HPV vaccine legislation.
(You can read our take on that legislation here).
But was Douglas commenting on his own experience? Or was he merely speaking in generalities?
“Michael Douglas did not say cunnilingus was the cause of his cancer,” his spokesman said Monday. “It was discussed that oral sex is a suspected cause of certain oral cancers as doctor’s in the article point out but he did not say it was the specific cause of his personal cancer.”
Hmmmm …
Either way this is terrible, terrible news …
After undergoing intensive chemotherapy, Douglas has been cancer free for more than two years – and we’re glad for him. But dude … did you have to ruin it for the rest of us?
UPDATE: Oh, Sic. Dear, dear Sic …
before anybody asks, @nikkihaley was No. 5 all-time on my Col. Angus list …
— Will Folks aka Sic (@fitsnews) June 3, 2013
UPDATE II: For those of you who didn’t get the “Col. Angus” reference …
***
103 comments
I hope Douglas is wrong about muff diving being the cause. If he is correct, I’m toast.
:-(
Yep, looks like I’m going down too, in more ways than one I suppose.
I hope Douglas is wrong about muff diving being the cause. If he is correct, I’m toast.
:-(
Yep, looks like I’m going down too, in more ways than one I suppose.
Loved the SNL clip. That was sheer genius!!!!
I concur
Long ago (Chevy Chase days of “It isn’t what you hum, but how you hum”) they did a sketch about an Irish fried chicken business that was Colonel Lingus’
I hope I run up on that one somewhere. Sounds great!
Loved the SNL clip. That was sheer genius!!!!
I concur
Long ago (Chevy Chase days of “It isn’t what you hum, but how you hum”) they did a sketch about an Irish fried chicken business that was Colonel Lingus’
I hope I run up on that one somewhere. Sounds great!
Sex is dangerous. I think Farrah Fawcett’s rectal cancer had a link to an elicit sex act! Make the world a safer place: abstain from sex.
illicit not elicit
Sex is dangerous. I think Farrah Fawcett’s rectal cancer had a link to an elicit sex act! Make the world a safer place: abstain from sex.
illicit not elicit
Exhibit #7223 in the anti-Mace case.
Exhibit #7223 in the anti-Mace case.
How much does your stupidity and worship to the gods of liberalism have to cost you?…are you so Disease Rotted and Souless, that you will scrcifice your children to your idols…???
Liberal Promiscuity is what is Hazardous to your health..
AIDS, Sluttin’ or bath houses…immorality is the culprit…
But the Truth is deemed too “preachy” and does not fit the Liberal propaganda template…so you get idiots like your “Sage” FITS, missing it yet again…How sad and pitiful…where your gods want you..
You can get this from sex with your spouse, T.
Think before you write.
Oh, wait, that would require you to have a brain. Never mind.
yeah, but where did your spouse get it and where did her prior partner get it and his prior partner? (assuming hetero contact)
With liberals: All adversity has no origin…unless they can blame a Right Wing Cabal…(see Hillary)…
Being a liberal means all consequenses they told us were mythical…spring from the ether…
Just because a person’s spouse had sex prior to marriage doesn’t make the spouse promiscuous, and it certainly doesn’t make the person he married promiscuous. A person who was a virgin before marriage could get this from her husband if he had sex just once prior to marriage. This is hardly “promiscuity.”
You’re right. This virus has spread exponentially because of promiscuous behavior (unprotected sex, multiple partners, not paying attention in health class- info has been around for decades now) that a virgin or an unsuspecting spouse can contract it with just one encounter. And that, is a crying shame.
Might be his spouse’s current lover.
It appears you’ve sacrificed your brain to the gods of conservatism.
Why would they want to conserve it?
Your safe,big idio”T”.
Masturbation hasn’t been linked to cancer.
That’s great news!
I just wish Fits would use a bigger, and less blurry, font. It seems to be getting worse.
Drugs,alcohol,cigarettes? Now,he wants to blame it on trigger-licking? Bullshit.This is his way of promoting his new Liberace movie.He’s the same bastard who stole Ken Kesey’s,’Cuckoo’s Nest’.What a no account asshole.
Yeah 9″: And I’d even venture to say: all those Churches and Christians you, Obama and the IRS HATE…are the Cause…
Your lust for Filth, Promiscuity and Taking the Gas-pipe, deep, could Never be the cause…All of those wonderful, dirty practices you wallow in, could NEVER cause anything but the Utopia you tell us they are…
Gas-pipe?
Reading comprehension is not your strong suit…
Morality and decency, are not yours…
Palin’s has another grand kid on the way…
I watched it. It is a comedy, right?
Drugs,alcohol,cigarettes? Now,he wants to blame it on trigger-licking? Bullshit.This is his way of promoting his new Liberace movie.He’s the same bastard who stole Ken Kesey’s,’Cuckoo’s Nest’.What a no account asshole.
I watched it. It is a comedy, right?
““Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV (human papillomavirus), which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”
Imagine if he’d gotten specific.
““Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV (human papillomavirus), which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”
Imagine if he’d gotten specific.
About 9 months ago, an old college friend had the same experience Douglas did. Same cancer, same source, also cured. True story.
About 9 months ago, an old college friend had the same experience Douglas did. Same cancer, same source, also cured. True story.
“Haley was #5”
Are we talking on a scale of 1 to 10 she was a 5
Are we talking she is only the 5th woman to allow you to get your nose that close to her WMD
Are we talking you had to down a 5th of Scotch to kill the taste of curry
Little clarification would be helpful
“Haley was #5”
Are we talking on a scale of 1 to 10 she was a 5
Are we talking she is only the 5th woman to allow you to get your nose that close to her WMD
Are we talking you had to down a 5th of Scotch to kill the taste of curry
Little clarification would be helpful
But remember: The liberals and liberal-tarians told us “How Good It Was Gone Be”…
More lies and myths from the left turn deadly…imagine that…
Seriously, when did oral sex become a liberal thing?
Anti-monogamy, pro-promiscuity,pro-abortion, anti-family, pro-bath houses, pro-NAMBLA and pro- free-for-all sex…w/ no consequences. Those are all leftwing things…You gleefully support Filth on every stage…
Like you tried to blame AIDS on er’body else and begged billions and billions in funding…
So typical: You make a big mess by DEMANDING to do as you please. You even sell it as the thing to do. But when your handiwork comes home to roost you say: Who: What Me???…You ignorant son of B!*c#…
You may fool Dumb@$$ liberals like yourself and FITS…but real people see you as Stupid…
No T– real people see you as stupid.
Has ONE of you EVER come up w/ a thought that I did not originate…???
Clue: A joke, or an observation, is like a tea-bag. It loses its flavor the second or third time around…It’s strong on first punch…
You Vapid Drones would be smart to figure that out…
Here’s my original thought that you have not previously entertained: You’re totally wrong on almost everything. Cases in point…..Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann, Sex, Christians, Hilter, Black Pantehers, Liberals, Tectonic Plates, Mustard Brands…….There, that was simple.
Problem for you: when you try to explain yourself, and your dogma, you fall apart..because most of your support is given to you by propagandists, who operate on liberal lies and myths…
Lucky for you: You’re too F*#kin Stupid to know they are making you look like a Dumb@$$…
Well, look at the time…gotta get back to work.
I have to admit to fantasies involving Bachmann and Palin!
Oh yeah, throw in that little “witch” from Delaware,she’s got those crazy eyes also.
You either live for abuse due to some early psychological trauma that can manifest itself in the form of a narcississtic, self rightious tool, or you’re really just a dumbass…*Hint: The former can be helped…
Another Typical Cliche…
I believe his goes BONE deep.
“Has ONE of you EVER come up w/ a thought that I did not originate…???”
I think I’ll play troll all day.
I think I’ll tell everyone how great Bush was.
I think I’ll compare everone that dissagress with me a libtard.
I think I’ll NOT look for a job, but act like I’m a CEO…
Yessiree, you F#?k!n, dumb@$$es!!
Talking about me, is not original, you idiot…Why can’t you defend your god and master and your dogma???…
Dude, I was in agreement with ya! Chill my brotha…chill. Just thinking like you as you said…
The “tea party” is similiar to the “tea bag”, it loses its flavor the second or third time around. However, there are different types of “tea bags”– which do you prefer?
With Michele Bachmann retiring, I really need you for material. With great thinkers like you, why should the rest of us waste our precious energy thinking when we can be doing drugs, having orgies and thinking of ways to spend our government money to keep the ecomony going.
Hahaha..on que: you thought you found an original nugget…only to be caught trying to recycle a thought I had to give you…
You people cannot have very high IQs…Really???
Forgive me oh wise one for not being capable of original thought- the fact that I am even responding to you indicates an IQ in the 70s. Must be the glue on my food stamps, oops EBT card. Anyway, back to crack pipe.
“Has ONE of you EVER come up w/ a thought that I did not originate…???”
Me. All the time.
I believe any pleasurable sex is a “liberal” thing.
“The Lethal Lick” “Tongue Troubles” “The Graveyard Groove”
There have to be a few pulp fiction titles and stories that could be wrung out of this sad association.
“The Lethal Lick” “Tongue Troubles” “The Graveyard Groove”
There have to be a few pulp fiction titles and stories that could be wrung out of this sad association.
Why can I not post a photo of my encounters? Photos are disabled?
Why can I not post a photo of my encounters? Photos are disabled?
Man goes into bar, sits and orders a beer.
He notices guy at the other end drinking a beer, never talking or approaching any girls. Yet in a few hours leaves with the best looking female in the place.
Few days later goes into same bar orders a beer and sees the same guy, never says anything, just sitting and drinking a beer. Yet again leaves with the best looking girl in the place.
This goes on night, after night.
Finally he calls over the bar tender and asks what is up with this guy?
Bartender says, I don’t know. He comes in night after night, orders a beer sits there never approaches anyone, yet leaves with best looking women. He just sits drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows.
Man goes into bar, sits and orders a beer.
He notices guy at the other end drinking a beer, never talking or approaching any girls. Yet in a few hours leaves with the best looking female in the place.
Few days later goes into same bar orders a beer and sees the same guy, never says anything, just sitting and drinking a beer. Yet again leaves with the best looking girl in the place.
This goes on night, after night.
Finally he calls over the bar tender and asks what is up with this guy?
Bartender says, I don’t know. He comes in night after night, orders a beer sits there never approaches anyone, yet leaves with best looking women. He just sits drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows.
So what was in his mouth while he was watching cunnilingus?
So what was in his mouth while he was watching cunnilingus?
Maybe his tounge went a little too low and touched the stink….or a little too high, it depends on how he was positioned.
Maybe his tounge went a little too low and touched the stink….or a little too high, it depends on how he was positioned.
Damn Michael Douglas is saying one of his old ladies has a cankered puss?
Damn Michael Douglas is saying one of his old ladies has a cankered puss?
with a women like his wife Catherine Zeta Jones it may be worth the risk.
with a women like his wife Catherine Zeta Jones it may be worth the risk.