High Speed Wanking

The vice mayor of a town in Tennessee has been charged with “indecent and reckless endangerment” after three women linked him to a series of high speed masturbation incidents over the last few years.

Wait … high speed masturbation?

Yup … according to public testimony taken at a preliminary hearing last week, Mount Carmel vice mayor William Blakely has been masturbating while driving for several years, putting on unsolicited, unwanted high speed shows for multiple women on Tennessee highways.

Blakely’s modus operandi? Waving and honking the horn of his car to get the attention of female drivers – and then “jerking his Gerkin” for them.

“After the waving, it turned into a lot of beeping, him grabbing his chest area,” one of the witnesses recalled, according to WJHL TV 11 (ABC – Johnson City, Tennessee). “At over 90 miles per hour, he had his penis out [the window]… he was masturbating… and that’s when it got really, really bad. I wouldn’t look over any more, and I wrote his tag number down on my hand, which I believe he noticed, and he exited very quickly.”

“He was taking his hand, wetting his mouth, and masturbating,” another said.

Wow …

Multiple additional charges are expected to be filed in the coming months against Blakely, whose alleged victims range in age from 16-65.

Wait … sixty-five?

Hmmmm … at least he doesn’t discriminate, right?

Obviously we’re 100 percent supportive of the universal right to masturbate (not that we’ve ever, um … done it ourselves or anything), but that’s clearly a right that’s best enjoyed in private. And certainly one’s “right to get oneself off” should never be curtailed, wankers cannot wank in such a manner as to infringe upon the liberties – and in this case potentially the lives – of others.

Like Jim Morrison once sang, “keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel.”

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