On Busted Brackets

There are currently two types of people in this world: those who admit that their 2013 NCAA Tournament bracket is doomed and, well … liars.

However, you shouldn’t feel bad that all your pre-March Madness research has amounted to nothing. Having a busted bracket says a lot more about you than having a bracket that’s right.

Let’s take a look at what your incorrect predictions are saying …

***

Louisville

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

They’re the #1 overall seed and you love a good underdog story.

What this says about you:

You were a third-stringer on your high school team who still dreams about coming off the bench to win the state championship while the theme song from “Chariots of Fire” plays in the background.

***

Oregon

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

They wear weird uniforms that take away from your enjoyment of the game.

What this says about you:

You’re 87-years-old and wear your pants halfway up your torso because that’s how civilized people dress, dagnabbit.

***

Michigan State

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You hated the movie “300.”

What this says about you:

You demonstrate the type of sound, logical reasoning necessary to become a highly-paid college basketball analyst.

***

Duke

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

Duke is the most evil collection of soulless individuals in the history of intercollegiate athletics.

What this says about you:

You’re a college basketball fan who was not born in Durham, N.C.

***

Kansas

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You’re sick of hearing about James Naismith and how great he was.

What this says about you:

You passed your college history requirement on the third attempt with substantial help from the guy who sat next to you.

***

Michigan

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You believe the Fab Five are the reason college basketball is going downhill.

What this says about you:

You play every Wednesday at the YMCA in short shorts and are an expert at the bounce pass. You’re also likely related to the guy who didn’t pick Oregon.

***

Florida

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

Florida is where Tim Tebow went to school.

What this says about you:

You are a SportsCenter anchor.

***

Florida Gulf Coast

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You are a rational, sane human being who knows that no #15 seed has ever made it to the Sweet Sixteen before.

What this says about you:

You hate the NCAA tournament and don’t know why you put yourself through this every year.

***

Indiana

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You believe Indiana is vastly overrated and primed for a spectacular flop in the tournament.

What this says about you:

You are Bobby Knight.

***

Syracuse

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

Conference realignment is ruining college sports and you can’t support a school that jumps to a new conference for money.

What this says about you:

You secretly fantasize about your alma mater getting invited to join the SEC.

***

Marquette

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

Dwayne Wade went to Marquette.

What this says about you:

You’re a Boston Celtics fan.

***

Miami

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You are convinced they’re cheating, just like their football program.

What this says about you:

You believe honesty is the best policy, except when filing your taxes.

***

Wichita State

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You thought Gonzaga was a legitimate national championship contender.

What this says about you:

HAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU THOUGHT THAT…OH MY GOSH, YOU THOUGHT…OH MY RIBS…WOW HAHAHA!!!

***

LaSalle

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You don’t believe that Ramon Galloway is a good basketball player.

What this says about you:

You are former University of South Carolina head coach Darrin Horn.

***

Arizona

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You still haven’t forgiven their baseball team for winning the national championship.

What this says about you:

You are a Gamecock fan who still pulls against Navy’s football team because of that game in 1984.

***

Ohio State

Why you didn’t put them in the Sweet Sixteen:

You can’t bring yourself to trust a coach with a name as ridiculous as Thad Matta.

What this says about you:

Your parents named you Gandalf.

***

Rixon Lane is a junior broadcast journalism major at the University of South Carolina. He hosts a sports talk show on WUSC 90.5 from 8:00-10:00 p.m. on Mondays.