PALMETTO STATE MAN BUSTED STEALING INFLATABLE SEX DOLL
A South Carolina man was charged with shoplifting this week after he attempted to steal an inflatable sex doll resembling pop star Miley Cyrus. Benjamin Greene, 22, was busted at Spencer’s Gifts in Spartanburg, S.C. after he allegedly attempted to smuggle the doll out of the store in his jacket.
WYFF TV 4 (NBC – Greenville/ Spartanburg, S.C.) referred to the doll in question as a “Blow Mylie” doll, but we think they’re talking about “Finally Mylie,” the inflatable love doll that’s engineered to anatomically resemble the 20-year-old singer/ actress.
Va-va-voom, people …
Either way, somebody’s Christmas just got substantially less merry.
Incidentally, “Finally Mylie” dolls are listed among the “favorite things” of fictitious Myrtle Beach Mermen pitcher Kenny Powers – start of HBO’s critically acclaimed series Eastbound and Down.
FITS first learned of this story from one of our attractive female readers, who in sending it our way was curious as to whether our founding editor had “fathered a child in the Upstate.”
Very funny …
UPDATE: Here’s Greene’s mug shot …
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43 comments
lmao @ the pic
— any relation to Alvin?
Does the store have any resembling Haley or Templeton? Please provide prices, stock numbers and shipping costs.
Oh my God, Thought it would be our infamous sex sickos elected to or previously in office Governor, Lt. Governor, Comptroller or Lex. Town.
There are a few still on Lex Town Council. Besides Danny boy.
And Jennifer D.
Damn willie, no one needs to see a picture like that right before the dinner bell.
The wife is going to be royally pissed off when I tell her I ain’t interested in the tuna fish salad she planned for lunch.
By the way, the fella in the picture looks familiar, or the lower part of his head looks familiar.
Reminds me of that Legislator that lives out my way near Chapin. I believe his name is the same as a nearby town but for the life of me I can’t recall his name.
What the hell, I’m sure someone will know who he is.
Will if you want this site totally banned from all SC workplaces, keep posting not work safe material like this. All you have to do is open up fitsnews and this crap pops up…geez…
Hey Jimbo, if you’re referencing big Head Ballentine he is originally from that Upstae area maybe this youngun is one of his offspring from his ugly early years.
Is there a Jake Knotts model?
You’d need one of those tire pumps at the gas station to blow that one up.
I don’t need no pump for that job.
I guess I could get one of those floating gorillas and put a towel over its face.
Joe Wilson would gladly blow it up. He’s all hot air….
Maybe he was a political science student and thought the doll was a replica of South Carolina government.
If the doll was a replica of South Carolina government, the doll would be fucking him.
In a Related Story:
President Barack Obama, responding to nosediving poll numbers, just expanded his definition of marriage to include Man and Plastic Doll…
Asked why he was once against man-doll unions, the president said it was in his pre-evolutionary period…and he has now ‘evolved’ so that he is more in line w/ his constituents.
That’s good. See how much clearer and concise your comments are when you take your meds.
Looks like BigT will have his dream wedding after all!
I consider this a step up from that guy who bumped uglies with someone’s horse. Bravo, SC, you’re ever so slightly improving.
Hey Smirks…I take it , as a loyal liberal, you’re a Card-carrying member of NAMBLA (North America Man-Boy Love Assoc)…
Aren’t yall based in Caifornia???
Yeah, if only I were a Republican shill like you, I’d have some great role models then. Hiking the Appalachian Trail with Sanford, or going to the Dominican Republic with a bottle of Viagra with Limbaugh, or learning how to be faithful from Gingrich, or having Restless Leg Syndrome in a bathroom with Larry Craig, or bumping around in an SUV with Haley, or handling child support like Joe Walsh, or trying to get a lady-friend to make a certain family planning decision like Scott DesJarlais…
But since I’m not in the party of “family values,” I must fuck little boys or something. Sure thing boss.
Big difference: Repubublicans admit their mistkaes, or they are Rejected by the voters…
Democrats just lie about their perversions or use them to move higher up on the pole (see Barney Frank)….
“T”, I believe Slobberin’ Barney is openly gay. It’s your boy Lindsey that keeps it secret…..
It’s none of business…you Gestapo F*&kin idiot….
This must be either a stock picture or one found at this guy’s house. Anyway, for this picture, I have two questions:
1. why would he want a picture of this ?
2. who would want to take this picture anyway?
Rule 34.
??????
Internet Rule 34:
If it exists, there is porn of it on the internet.
Jordan Ray Hodson needs to die
Talk about crushing childhood fantasies. So the doll doesn’t look like the picture on the box?
Why isn’t he smiling if he is having so much fun? That constant squeaking noise must be annoying – like when you rub your hand on a balloon.
Maybe it’s because the head actually looks like Joe Wilson or Bitch Wallace. Can’t see the face.
Hey: at least this guy was consentual with the doll…
Clinton Raped Juanita Brodderick and forced himself on a couple others…then lied about it under oath…
And he was lauded by the democrat party as a Great Guy, and a soldier against Republicans’ War on Women…
And you Stupid Son of a B!t*hes swallowed it up to your throat…
He took videos,too.I have a couple.Wanna watch while swallowing up to your throat ? I love it when you make those gagging noises as long as you don’t puke..
Dude needs a Fleshlight;even the military supplies those.
Im sure you have worn out 3 already
So at work today I figured I’d see what was going on in SC, clicked on FitsNews and this picture pops up. Ouch.
Yeah – it needs a NSFW flag. I go back to see it just for a laugh – this guy is pathetic.
So Will gets bored, takes a picture of himself and writes a story to go with it. And twelve people decide they aren’t hungry when lunchtime comes around.
Mommie, I want to thank you and Daddie for sending me to Clemson.
I am taking a sex ed class and I have enclosed a picture of one of my “do it at home” assignments.
Professor Swinney said if I get a good grade there is a chance I could go on a field trip to a sheep ranch for some outdoor exercises.
Oh, and you will never guess what Professor Swinney has on tap for exams. He said if the football team loses to LSU everybody in the class will be turned loose in the football locker room and become fucking Sodomites. I know it is a bad word but Professor Swinney really got red in the face when a kid from Columbia said LSU was going to win. He threw the kid out of the class. I will miss Spurrier, he and I did homework together.
I’m not quite sure what Professor Swinney means but I do recall something about a fella in the Bible taking the jawbone of an ass and beating the crap out of a whole lot of Mennonites.
Just think Mommie, I am having some hands on experiences as well as undergoing religious experiences.
Why aren’t you smiling if you’re having fun? Doesn’t that squeaking sound bother you – like the sound you hear when you rub your hands around a balloon?
Maybe it’s because the head actually looks like Joe Wilson or Bitch Wallace. Can’t see the face.